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by You gotta get in the MANGOE mood!! and if you don't i will turn you into mangoe
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Warhammer 40K
Jokes

Iron Warriors at the beach:
- My sandcastle is bigger than yours!
- No it isn't!
- Yes it is, and it has lascannons here and here, and these are missile launchers!
- Well mine's got that as well, and a moat full of skulls and barbed wire!
- Your lascannons aren't placed at the right spots! What if the enemy attacked here? Or here? Or put heavy fire on this wall?

Space Marine Commandments:
1. Thou shalt not make fun of other chapter’s names.
2. Orks are not "cute."
3. Thou shalt not make jokes about the Imperial Guard's weapons.
4. Thou shalt not replace the Librarian's staff with a magic wand.
5. Thou shalt not tip the Terminators over during battle.
6. Thou shalt not do Spock impersonations around Eldar.
7. C-3P0 is not a Necron ambassador.
8. You shall not dare others to eat Squigs.
9. No, you cannot "take the Titan for a spin."
10. Thou shalt not use thy multi-meltas to light campfires. (In a similar manner, thou shalt not use the Terminator Captain's chainfist to open tins of baked beans)

Ways to tell if you play too much 40K:
If you have a c'tan opener in your kitchen.
If you call people heretics on a daily basis...
If your car is painted to match your chapter markings, and has a las-cannon mounted on top.
Upon seeing a vicious dog you fail your morale test and run away screaming
You walk six inches, then stop, then walk six inches, then stop, etc.
You accidentally have your army list when grocery shopping.

Lots of ways to annoy your opponent:
1. Bring a hand puppet. Question it constantly as to what is the best course of action.
2. Bring a small model coffin with undertakers. Every time a model dies, escort it off the battlefield and give it model funeral. Remember to hum the funeral theme tune.
3. Bring a falsified rulebook (hours of fun).
4. Shave your head. Paint your skin green. Wear a nose ring. Grunt a lot.
5. Flip a coin at the start of the game. After observing the outcome, claim that you have won the game. Look upset if your opponent denies this. Sulk.
6. Bring 20 printed pages of notes and intellectual-looking glasses. Refuse to let your opponent look at them. Refer to them throughout the game. Speak aloud as you read- "he's gone there, so contingency plan 8a means that I should..."
7. Insist opponent rolls all your dice for you. Complain and insult your opponent if you get any bad rolls.

Failed Space Marine legion-names:
Emperor's Grandchildren
Microsoft Word Bearers

Uses for a Lasgun

Warming soup.
When left on, a seat warmer in your Leman Russ.
Disco effects/pyrotechnics.
Cigarette lighter.
Changing T.V. channels.
Selling to get funds for a better weapon.
Throwing at the enemy (may do more damage)
Using for grave marking for IG troops.
Collecting (eventually you might have enough to do some damage)
Paperweight.
Skeet shooting.
A cooking utensil.
Looking slightly menacing.
Strapping onto a Boltgun as a laser sight.
Annoying friends by shining it in their eyes repeatedly
Burning ants

How many non- marine players does it take to change a las bulb?

Both of them.

what do you call a lasgun with a laser sight?

twin linked

Why are Orks good at gardening?
’Cuz they've got green fingers!

Hey! How much will you give me if I can make this land speeder do a loop?

(Guardsman fighting Emperor's Children) Hey look! Naked women!

(To a librarian) "NERD!!!"

"I am the arch-demon Dsar'try'hugnar'kyan'porgab'hyush--" *gets stabbed by a passing marine*

I mean, c’mon Inquisitor, everyone knows the Emperor isn't real.

Chaos space marine- sir I think there targeting use, there’s red dots on everyone’s suits.
Chaos lord- no those are just lasguns move along

How come no one collects World Eaters?
Because there too Khorney!


Warhammer 40000 Warning Labels

Fire Warrior: WARNING may hit target with pulse rifles occasionally.

If you attempt to visit the nearby camp of Adeptas Sororitas, you will be castrated, flogged, beaten, and shot.






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