CAUTION: MATURE (and tasteless) HUMOUR AND CONTENT, PARENTAL GUIDANCE SUGGESTS
About this creation
All right people. 0200 Mountain time. Corona number 5, already pondering number 6. Ozzy cranked on the computer "I am Iron Man". Next installment ready. Gonna beat that clock.
I am going to step away from the bubbles for a moment so as not to obstruct too much of the building. The building is a WIP for a hospital scene that I have been working on for about a year or so.
Jones: Mr. Phipson. Wake up sir. You have been involved in a bad accident sir. Can you hear me?
Phipson. Uuunnnggg. Wha, wha, what happened? O-God, my head.
Jones: Things got a little carried away last night. What do you remember?
Phipson: Not much, just some lovely mounds of ice cream with perky cherries on top, and a pipe.
Jones: Yes. You inhaled a rather obnoxious substance – darn near killed you. It was a good thing that a Mr. Sproule was present. He performed two hours of mouth to mouth on you to keep you breathing. Or at least that’s why he said he was doing the mouth to mouth.
Phipson: Well he is good at blowing…
Jones: Well, at any rate…
Phipson: Never heard that before…
Phipson: Nothing. So, when can I get out of here?
Jones: Soon, just have to check out a few things first.
Jones: Nurse Naughty and Nurse Nice. Can you please come help me with Mr. Phipson. He seems to be running a temperature and it should be checked
Phipson: Naughty, Nice? Is this some kind of joke. Oh, I see. No joke, but very nice. I must be in heaven. Sorry, did you say temperature?!?!
Naughty & Nice: We will be right there sir (in perfect harmony).
Phipson: I am so out of here.
Jones: But Mr. Phipson, we haven’t finished your examination. Besides you will miss lunch and we are having some fava beans and a nice chianti with lunch
Phipson: WTF! L8R!
Phipson: What kind of messed up…
Jones: Mr. Kelso, would you mind detaining our patient please. Kassandra and Rory – your assistance might be needed.
Phipson: Rory. Oh God no! What kind of hell am I in? And how did they get this outfit out of my ‘tickle trunk’?
Phipson: Kelso. Hey man, it’s me. Phipson. You know, the guy that sprung your mom when she was busted for solicitation. And remember, they never proved that I was her pimp.
Kelso: This is going to hurt.
Kassandra: Hmmmm, tastes like chicken.
Nice: Just hold still sir, we’ll take care of you
Kelso: Sorry sir, but if you just listened to the good doctor, this would not be necessary.
Phipson: God Mark, it’s me. And put that thing back under your loincloth, it’s poking me in the ear.
Naughty: Bad Mr. Artist. You have been such a bad boy. Now you hold down Mr. Phipson for Mistress Naughty, and you can have a treat.
Nice: OK Mr. Phipson. Now let’s see if playing hide the salami in the back door just feels like a big poop to you – WHAM!
Phipson: OH SSSSHHHHIIIIII
Phipson pulls out his pistol and points it at the Professor. Everyone stands by bravely, just waiting for the opportunity to step in and take the bullet for the Professor. Only one person retains her smile with a strange hunger in her eyes.
Then Phipson notices that Dvious is not scarred. She is looking at him and he feels like prey. Despite the fact that he hold a pistol in his hands and she but a rather large salami…
Well, Phipson might not be the brightest bunny in the forest, but he knows when to hold em, knows when to fold em, knows when to walk away and knows when to RUN!
Phipson and Dvious are never seen again after this night. But even years later, the legend goes that you can hear a faint screaming in the distance followed by: “Does that feel like a big poop to you?” Or maybe it is coo coo ca-choo, one can never be sure.
While everyone is otherwise occupied, Gio takes the opportunity to take a big hit on the synthesized monoampheto-pentaopioid-tripsilocybinoid-tetrahydrocannabinol.
Most everyone stands around silently consoling each other as they stare into the wisdom that is fire.
The effects of the pipe were a bit different on Gio, but I must say – he has a really nice voice.
That last scene should be a warning not to put strange things you find on the ground in your mouth. That and always make sure the safety is on. I tell ya if people had a little common sense we'd have a lot less funny stuff to laugh at. God bless 'em. see ya. garth