This is the start of one of the three series I am making.
About this creation
Silence plagued the Jedi Temple, emptiness dominated the corridor and halls. Only the hushed whispers of a few jedi preparing for their next assignment could be heard. The war does'nt look like it will end soon, as a matter of fact it did'nt seem like it would ever end.
In one of the innumerable corridors of the temple two long-time friends, who have yet to experience the true horrors this war will inevitably bring, are conversing about what will be the outcome of the war. Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and Rahm Kota are about to head into the briefing room.
Suddenly master Kota's hologram proyector went off " Kota, we have spotted an unauthorized civilian in the temple. Wait he's armed! (blaster fire and screams sound in the background) Sir we're taking heavy casualties!" "Calm down commander we'll be on our way" Kota told the uneasy commander.
All the jedi in that corridor were in silence it was Kota who broke the silence" Master Kenobi, I will need your help if this intruder is truly as dangerous as he seems" " Lets go right away then" responded Obi-Wan who was now beginning to fear for the safety of the temple.
While Rahm Kota was already rushing in to the main entrance, Obi-Wan turned around and told the two jedi knights to stay there in case the intruder arrived.
Both jedi stood there as they watched the masters leave.
"I doubt they'll find the intruder in time, this temple is to big to find one person" said Jin Miktiz to Vane Ki'Shor who was still lost deep in thought about the mysterious intruder.
"You're right Jin, they'll never find him why don't we go search for him" Vane responded "But we were told to stay here, remember?" said Jin who disliked the idea of disobeying his superiors "Then why don't you go look for him in the east wing, and I'll stay here"
"Good idea i'll go right away" "May the force be with you, my friend" said Vane.
Vane watched his friend rush out of the room, but he did not seem worried for his friend, in fact he could'nt wait for him to leave...
Vane's hologram proyector turned on, it displayed the image of Count Dooku! "What do you know of this intruder, Dooku!" "He is but a distraction for those fools, now rerport; have you secured the holocron?" "Yes my lord, but what do you need to know about the battle of Galidraan? You would know you were there" The count frowned and snapped back "That does'nt concern you, jedi just send me the holocron data before anyone notices it's gone"
"Right away, my lor-" "What's going on here!"said Jin as he walked in the hall."Nothing, it does'nt matter Jin"said a startled Vane.
"You're selling information to Dooku are'nt you, traitor!" "I am no traitor! The republic has fallen to corruption and evil, the Confederacy is the future of the galaxy!" "The sith control the confederacy and you still side with them!"
"The dark lord of the sith controls the republic, just that you and the entire order are too blind too see that!" "You are a jedi start acting like one, the Order is not corrupt and the Republic will not fall anytime soon"
"LIES!" said Vane, angered at being betrayed by his friend turned his lightsaber on.
He charged at Jin hoping to kill him. Jin was able to block his attack and drive him to a defensive position,"This only proves your treachery, Vane you have failed!"
"NOOOOO!!!" said Vane force pushing Jin against the stairs.
Blinded by anger, Vane lunged towards Jin.
Jin was able to roll to his right, before he was impaled by his former friend, he took advantage of his brief distraction to retrieve his lightsaber.
Both combatants got back up, "Stop this madness! The confederacy is evil!"
Realizing that reckless tactics would'nt win this fight Vane threw his lightsaber at Jin, but he already expected that.
Using the force he was able to grab Vane's lightsaber and use it as his own!
Jin beginning to lose his calm rushed at Vane hoping to kill him.
Taking advantage of Jin's reckless move Vane kicked Jin's hands.
Whitch made Jin fall back and he was able to retrieve his lightsaber.
Before Jin could even stand up Vane was already atacking him again. " I have had enough, you are too blind to see the truth. You will pay for your lack of faith, my old friend"
"Then, you have truly fallen" said Jin as he force pushed Vane to a balcony.
"People like you don't deserve to be forgiven or redeemed!" Jin jumped after his former friend.
Jumping over him he force pushed him to the ground.
Jin looked at his "friend's" body, so it was over... then he saw Vane move his leg, he pondered for a second on what to do...
Remembering Vane's treachery Jin turned on his lightsaber.
He jumped down and stabbed his former friend through the back.
"What have I done?!" Jin dropped his lightsaber and stared in horror at his friends corpse.
Jin runs from the scene scared and confused.
After Jin left a hooded figure came in the hallway.
The figure cautiously walked towards the jedi, then knelt down to check if he was still alive, he felt the faintest heart beat he looked around the body and found something that intrigued him even more, a small cube no bigger than his finger tip, the hooded figure could'nt help but smile, he then remembered what he was being paid for. He picked up the body and left the temple behind him.
Read this
-This is the first chapter of my new series "Vengeance"
-If any of you know who the hooded figure is please don't say who it is.
-More MOCs coming soon
-My next MOC will be my entry for Commander Fero's AOE diorama contest.
-Credit for Kota's decals goes to Vid and for Obi-Wan's to Commander Hess
Comments
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I like it |
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December 26, 2009 |
Very good, what I like is that it is done in one specific place, not in 20 differnet places,no, jus in one, specific ,litttle detailed place, that is why I really like this, well done. |
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I like it |
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December 16, 2009 |
This is an awesome comic Juan! I like the whole "Friends Betrayal Part" very dramatic! |
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I like it |
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Commander Hawke November 28, 2009 |
Who is he?!!?!?!? |
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I like it |
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October 18, 2009 |
Interesting comic. |
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I like it |
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October 3, 2009 |
Cool!The Person With the hood is...is...is...is...is...is Nevermind. |
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I can figure it out, ;D but at the beginnning it was a bit confusing. ;) |
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I made it |
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September 30, 2009 |
Quoting Maxim .
Awesome job! Love it, well written, my only suggestion is you should click 'enter/return', whichever is on your computer, after each dialogue and before each dialogue, otherwise, it's kinda confoozling. ;)
Woops!! I did'nt realize that, but I think you can tell each character's personality and point of view apart, or maybe I'm just saying that because I wrote the story.
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I like it |
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September 30, 2009 |
Awesome job! Love it, well written, my only suggestion is you should click 'enter/return', whichever is on your computer, after each dialogue and before each dialogue, otherwise, it's kinda confoozling. ;) |
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I like it |
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September 30, 2009 |
Nice! good story! |
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I like it |
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September 30, 2009 |
Oh, sorry, man. Yes, I'd love to be in your comic! Well, since this is during the Clone Wars, Moog would still be a Jedi. Since he's bald, you could just use a clone trooper head without the helmut and an Anakin body:) |
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I made it |
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September 30, 2009 |
Quoting Moodswim .
This is a cool story with interesting characters and a bit of mystery! My only suggestion would be to load the "panels" in large format so they're easier for the reader to see. Can't wait for the next part:)
Hey Mood, you never answered if you would like to guest star or not, if you say yes you should tell me the face part you want me to use for Moog.
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I like it |
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September 30, 2009 |
This is a cool story with interesting characters and a bit of mystery! My only suggestion would be to load the "panels" in large format so they're easier for the reader to see. Can't wait for the next part:) |
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I like it |
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September 30, 2009 |
This is a great comic! It has a brilliant plot! |
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I like it |
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September 29, 2009 |
Sweet. |
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More from Juan More across MOCpages
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student teen kid toy play lego child video game hobby blocks construction toy legos fun games
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