Commanders Jaller and Philipp are send to Rhen Var, there they find heavy resistence
About this creation
Philip and Jaller comand their troops against the droids. Philipp: Kill those clankers.
Jaller aims and shoots a droid Jaller:Eat hot laser.
Clone gunner runs towards droids: For my brothers, die clankers...
He is just about to shoot a droid...
when the other droid shoots his head off Philipp: Nooooo clutch (cries in the back).
Philipp fulfills the destiny of clutch and shoots the droid down.Philipp:Take that.
The other droid fires at philipp...
but Philipp fastly dudges the shoot jumping aside.
Jaller:Well that was close.(and charges toward the droid)
Jaller stops before droid and shoots him.
Then Philipp comes closer.Jaller:(takes holocorn viewer out) Captain whe los our batallion,Captain:Okay go into the base and investigate if you find something strange inform directly.Jaller and Philipp:Yes sir.
Jaller and Philip walk toward the door Philipp:Surely you can open that door Jaller: Hmm let me see (walks toward door)
Jaller:Negative ive never seen one of these before.
Jaller turns to look at droid. Jaller: But I have an idea.
Jaller stands droid up and makes something in his circuits...
suddenly the droid turns around and says: Jedi.......Base......Warship...
then he raises his arm and is just about to shoot jaller when...
Philipp shoots the droid making him fall and die.
Jaller: Why you did that (he didnt noticed that droid was about to shoot)
Philipp:He was just about to shoot us, jaller
Jaller:Well... (stops talking)walks toward door and sets a charge.
Then he walks back and waits...
pfuishhht!! Philipp:Well that was little. Jaller:Its just nough to open that door.
The door falls down and the 2 commanders...
Jaller: This place is scary Philipp:Hmph
They both stop before a strange statue
Philipp:This appears to be no droid design,so droids came here and conquered.
They turn around and
Jaller:Look theres another one...
Philipp:sssht, i hear something hide!
(They both hide behind the statues)
Droid commander: Clones, Fire.
droids start fireing...
Jaller and Philipp Return the fire...
then Philipp puts his gun back and...
Takes out a thermal detonator
he throws it saying "eat this clankers"
Droid:OH OH BOOOOOOOOOOM
tHE last droid tries to run but jaller gets him in the back.
Then they come out
Jaller: Good idea with the detonator
Philipp: I have always one with me.
They both walk to a control panel Jaller jacks it and a metal plate goes aside...
They look in astoundment.
Jaller: Warship building
Philipp: We must report this. (takes out his holocorn viewer)
Philipp: Captain we have a problem here Warship building and something about a Jedi Response: Keep your position we will send reforcements...
WELL THIS IS MY FIRST LONG COMIC AND PLEASE DON FORGET TO RATE AND COMMENT
The story is somewhat lacking, it follows an all too common pattern in whitch all dialogue is either to report or give and recieve orders, there's no real sense as to WHY they are on Rhen Var, describe the enviroment it makes your story a bit less monotonous, however your idea of a ship factory makes it less obvious than "They come in, shoot some droids, get the ? and they shoot some more droids and get out unharmed" for part 2 I'd suggest that the unnamed captain gets stranded in the middle of nowhere, so Philip and Jaller have to do it themselves, also don't be afraid to make the republic lose once in a while, just look at how monotonous CW season 1 was, I could honestly count all the Seppie victories in one hand. For the build, it's actually quite good, the interior of the base need some greebles. Your idea of forced perspective to make it look like the banking clan frigate is farther away is great, but it need to look a bit more like if it's under construction, you know, ladders, elevators, random parts etc.