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The Xtreme Waffle Iron
Because a regular waffle iron is for wimps, as the following infomercial will tell you. Built for Waffles' Contest For Best...
About this creation
Greetings all! I'm your host for this commercial, Officer Dan! I'm required to present this new product to you all because no one else on the cast has the legal authorization to sell something this dang-... Helpful.


Pardon the dust by the way, this is the only one we have that hasn't exploded on us yet.


Moving right along! It's time to introduce the Xtreme Waffle Iron!


Look at it! This sure puts a regular waffle iron to shame, huh?


It's also easier to use, with almost no effort on your part! You simply pour the batter in here, and it's channeled into the barrel.


And when it's done, it's FIRED OUT OF THE CANNON! How extreme is that?!?! Not to mention that it's done in a matter of SECONDS instead of minutes! Take that conventional waffle irons!


Now let's see a demonstration of just how FREAKIN' AWESOME this thing is!


First, we'll take this can of mail-order special waffle batter. It costs about $20 a can, and is the only kind that'll work with the Xtreme Iron.


And pour it on in there... Man, this stuff is pungent...


And now we get to my favorite part! The firing of the waffle!


*Click*... *Click Click*... Hell...


Hey guys! What's up with the cannon?
Stage Director: You moron! You're not supposed to talk to us! You've got to release the Napalm/CO2/Teflon mixture into the compression chamber!


How the hell do I do that? Magic?
SD: The wheel on top of the big generator cylinder! We went over this! *Muttering* I'll never hire real people EVER again... Next time I'm pulling a down on his luck celebrity, no matter how much it costs...


*More muttering* Last time I ever do film work... Bad enough these things killed the last two guys... I mean, did you see that intern who didn't see the waffle coming? I mean, for the love of all things small and furry, they're STILL cleaning him off the walls. And that was at half power! I can't believe we're selling these...


So now... It's just a quick *oof* climb up on top of the propellant dispenser *Hurk*, whihc is easily accessible... *puff* from the ground floor of any home.


*Dramatic dismount and collapse of box ladder removed for time's sake* So now, you use your body to spin the wheel *pant* and release the propellant This shouldnt' be too difficult for even the most... *huff* out of shape person... Oh man, I think this thing's rusted... *more panting*


Ka-Fwoosh!


*Static*

*BUZZZZZZ*

*Screech-y TV test noise*


Ohh... My head...
SD: GET OFF YOUR FAT DONUT FILLED REAR! WE'RE PAYING YOU BY THE %$@& HOUR!!!


Sheesh! All right, all right! Okay, so minor back trauma aside, that was pretty cool right?
SD: Oh, we lost another intern! Someone get a mop!


Now, let's go see what our ingenuity has wrought! Hehe... Wrought. I don't ever get to use that word...


*Some moments later*

This is by far the WORST waffle I've ever seen. EVER.
SD: Stop compaining! You're ruining the bloody commercial!


Well, maybe if you made a product that actually worked I wouldn't be insulting it!
SD: Get on to the purchase deal! We haven't got much time left!


Alrighty kids, if you think this is the coolest invention ever, wait till you see it PORTABLE! We did away with the whole input system, and just filled up a giant canister with the stuff. This version runs off of pure corporate evil and the screaming of dead kittens.


But wait! There's more! This is a one use product! That's right, instead of making more canisters, we just make more of the whole bloody thing! Aren't we a great company?


So what are you waiting for?


Change the channel and run while you still can!


But if you're still set on buying it, call 1-800-PHAIL and have your credit cards ready. We accept all forms of currency, except children and livestock. We'll work out exactly what this is worth to you over the phone. Also, you must live in the US to purchase, as selling outside the country is considered weapons trafficking. Be ready to present a license to own a siege weapon, and be prepared for a six week waiting period while the FBI decides if you're responsible enough to own one of these monstrosities. Thanks for considering our product!


Note: We're not responsible for any damages, injuries, deaths, or wars caused by this device. We'll cover the legalities over the phone as well.

Non-legal related ramblings:
Okay, so my answer was 'A Waffle Fresh Out of the Iron'. I thought, okay, that's gonna be hard. Then I realized something. I could make an awesome and dangerous waffle iron! So I did. Overall, it's a 'meh' build, but I think the presentation makes up for it.



Comments

 I made it 
  July 9, 2010
@Metal Matt: No problem man! @Gondabuggan: Eliminating the competition, eh? Now there's an idea...
Ribbits M
 I like it 
Gondabuggan Draconfell the gnome arcanist
  July 3, 2010
@ lee we should fire it at all the members of team pancake! ;)
 I like it 
  July 1, 2010
Thanks for the laughs.
 I made it 
  June 30, 2010
Thank you all, you're too kind! @Ultramarine: Lucky for you, I love writing them! @Waffles: Thank you sir! That's way higher than I was expecting from it. And I knew I was forgetting something... If I'd addded a syrup hose, it would have been perfect... @Garth: It'd get the food through the rest of your systems as well ;). @MOODSWIM: Thank you, I'm pretty happy with the presentation myself. @Shifu: Glad you agree! @Louis: Thanks, this'll be a tough one for me to top.
 I like it 
  June 30, 2010
This is hilarious! Definitely one of the best entries in this contest, good luck!
 I like it 
  June 30, 2010
Freakin' hilarious!
 I like it 
  June 30, 2010
HAHAHAAA! Very funny idea. I love the infomercial-style presentation.
 I like it 
  June 30, 2010
Wow, a waffle cannon. That would get the food to the digestive system in a hurry. Are those blackened waffles a southern thing. Funny. see ya. garth
 I like it 
  June 30, 2010
HAHAHAHAHA! This is totally by far the funniest MOC entered into the competition. I want one. With a few alterations, I could make it fire syrup at long range. And those poor interns, getting hit with a burnt waffle and dying probably wasn't the highlight of their working career. Now, for the judging. For creativity, a 10 out of 10! This is one of the most creative MOCs mainly for the humor, but also for the waffle iron. For quality, you get a 9 out of 10. This is because I would have liked to see a little more greebling, but other than that, great job. There really wasn't much you could do to improve the quality though, it was mainly a creative MOC. And a good one. You have a score of 19 out of 20 for the first round. Congratulations! ~Waff
 I like it 
  June 30, 2010
Absolutely hilarious! I love reading things like this, keep it up!
 I made it 
  June 30, 2010
@Hector: It's no longer a waffle, so much as piece of EXTREME waffle shaped ash. @Lee: If the waffle survives the firing sequence, we should be able to hit him from almost anywhere on earth.
 I like it 
  June 30, 2010
Very nice, LMAO, you should get good points for this one and for team maple syrup,if not we use it on Waffles, ha ha ha ..... just kidding! or am I?
 I like it 
  June 30, 2010
Mmmm... burned waffles. No matter it is made up by the pure EXTREMENESS! - Hector
 I made it 
  June 29, 2010
@Lt.John: Just call the number and ready your currency, proof of permit, proof of residence, etc, and one can be yours! @The Builder: Better luck next time, man. And thanks, this was a fun one.
  June 29, 2010
Darn, you beat me!
 I like it 
  June 29, 2010
Such a great model, no comments yet...Yay, first comment for once...
 I like it 
  June 29, 2010
I want one!
 
By Ribbits M
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Added June 29, 2010
 

The background images used on this page are © Todd Lehman,
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