Fantasy era tank, because I can't keep living vicariously through Matt. Possibly something Saruman or Sauron should have built for their armies. Those Nazgűl are overrated. (I mean really, you flick a match on their robes and they run off squealing in agony. If I'm Sauron, I'm thinking: these are my go to guys?!)
About this creation
Armor is Chobham type composite with interlaced layers of dragon scale and dried, compacted orc dung. Turret front is rated at 2.8 fingers of Mithril Equivalent Protection, 2.4 fingers M.E.P. for hull upper front.
Main armament is 5.4 fingers caliber poisonous berries. A combination of discarding sabot and HEAT technologies are employed, in unusual ways. Early in flight, after leaving the barrel, the skin and flesh of the berries are discarded. Since several seeds are released, this superficially resembles canister ammunition, but is not the point. The small, dense seeds by themselves continue their flight with superior aerodynamic performance. On impact with the target, the naturally hollow seeds break apart, releasing focused jets of the contained toxins. Ammunition is cut from the source bushes retaining small protrusions of surrounding twig and leaves in order to fin-stabilize the rounds during early flight, until the skin and flesh are discarded.
Secondary armament consists of multiple lateral, rear, and upward facing ports allowing spear thrusts by the crew inside.
Suspension and drive train both utilize petrified ogre bones for axles, etc ... These are mined from a unique, highly protected peat bog. Few know its well guarded location, though there is a project under way to infer this from a pattern of losses of messenger moths and their flight routes. It is believed all moths flying close to the location of the bog mine are shot down to prevent espionage. Ironically, this policy can be exploited by examining the loss pattern from carefully chosen test routes. The surprisingly imprecise routes followed by the moths is proving a hindrance.
Power is provided by dual 2.5 trollpower turbines burning compressed troll farts. The farts are collected, contained, and compressed by adepts known as "fart benders" (a closely allied guild to the "dung benders" and "urine benders" that shape and quench the armor during manufacture). On flat, dry terrain, the tank is capable of 15 leagues per stound.
Performance loss is pronounced on steep grades, less so in mud. Combined with much weaker underside and turret top armor, formations including this model are best engaged in hilly or rough terrain. Turret top armor is rated at 0.4 fingers M.E.P. and is, anecdotally, vulnerable to heavy crossbow fire directed direcly downward. The tracks are fouled easily by direct hits of solid stone catapult shot.
Additionally, quantities of stored troll farts, or farts of the crew directly, may be released from vents surrounding the hull. If lit, this provides a smoke function. Unlit, this establishes a noxious surrounding, lasting 20-30 sec in non-windy conditions.
The crew compartment is hardened against psychological effects of fairy harp music.
The 4 mufflers.
The radiator and 2 fart ports.
This unit's current crew (from the left): driver, loader, gunner, commander, morale officer. The majority of the crew have been together for a long time, excluding the commander and morale officer. The previous commander died from a bee sting while sipping his jasmine tea around the camp fire with the crew. He had no idea he was allergic. The morale officer is a temp substituting for the assigned officer, shown below, currently on R&R after a grueling tour. The veteran members of the crew do not like the temp morale officer, and eagerly await their commrade's return. She does not handle the crew's direct farting functions as capably, one of her several duties.
Seriously, before anyone asks, the orc members of the crew are all male. Their long hair is a badge of honor only permitted to the tank corps. They are practically required to maintain their hair luxuriously conditioned as part of their esprit de corps. And, really, why would you want to conquer Middle Earth and not look good doing it?
This unit's maintenance crew, including the fart bender (and crew chief) and refueling trolls, Peaches (left) and Daisy. The trolls can also be directed to lift up the tank if underside or track maintenance or repairs are required.
On parade. This was actually after a bruising defeat resulting in the loss of 20% of the company and even more of their attached infantry. That's pretty much what you get for sending an armored column into the Misty Mountains. When will Sauron ever learn, that whacky guy! However, the morale officer clearly knows her business.
An earlier, lower muzzle velocity, version of the gun.
An example of the ammunition source bush. The orcs know it as "Angel of Heavenly Sweetness" or Seraphin Thecae Jucundus (a rather ironic name coined by the first and only orc to ever taste from it). Among men it is known as "Endless Prickly Night" (Aevitatis Verpae Tenebra). You don't want to know what the Ents call it. The adorable forest bunny (Saepius Coitus Sempiternus) is immune to the toxins and is perfectly happy to plant his face in the bush and eat all day long.
Yes, Matt, I am aware I still owe you a pink, disco themed, tank crewed by Starsky and Hutch. Working on it. If I could just get Lee to lend me 1 percent of his pink collection for a month ... Note, however, the unusual amount of technic functionality here, for this day and age: NONE! Muchas gracias to Dan, Hans, and Joel for your help.
Achtung baby! This thing is an abomination! It's heinous! It's an affront to the natural order of thing! Start mass production at once. Best line of the write up: These are mined from a unique, highly protected peat bog. Your talking my language man. Attack!
I like it
Andrew AKA Hump-Free
April 2, 2011
Hey Man, At First I Thought, This Is A Tank? But Then I Looked At More Pics, And Said, This Is Not A Tank! This Is A Unique Moving Fortress, That Is A Physical Tribute To The Nonlinear, To Imagination, To Originality, And To LEGO And By All Means No Mere Feat. Very Nice MOC, Also I Will Use This Comment To Inform You That There Are Some Important Matters Being Discussed In My Group About Adding Mods, And That I Added Something Today, I Believe You May Enjoy.
Quoting Mark Sanders
en spirit de corps is already taken by the USMC.
I don't know what that is supposed to mean. It is a phrase (of French origin), dating hundreds of years, that has a meaning, and which is used in many contexts, including a military one (by dozens of military branches throughout the nations of the world). I am simply using the phrase to mean exactly what it stands for. I am not trying to claim, coin, copyright, or otherwise "own" the phrase in any way. The USMC also uses the word "proud" as part of its various slogans or mottos. Does that make using the word "proud" somehow off limits in any other contexts?
Tom, where do I begin? First, I'll start by mentioning I thought you were completely joking about all the Belleville pieces. I should have known better, as you're clearly the closest thing the LEGO community has to Legally Insane. The tank is amazing. Spectacular. Exceeds expectations in all regards. The mix of themes on the tank alone is enough to make this MOC worthwhile, and the technical aspect is nothing too shabby itself. I second Stu's appraisal of your bush. It is truly fierce in its own respect. Also, I am greatly honored with the appointment of crew chief / natural gas bender, and I am equally pleased with the accompanying adornments of mushroom-hat and gas-staff. I owe you one, buddy. Now if only you had a sig-fig....
Thats some mean bush at the end there - and a very neat design too. Loving the organic shapes in the turret and the way the side-spikes fan out, but its eye-catching construction throughout Tom. And of course the write-up is bat-guano crazy and lots of fun too. Good job mate.
I like it
Toa Oblivious ,Master of Earth
February 22, 2011
THIS IS SO AWESOME!!!!!
I like it
February 22, 2011
That is bonelicious. Really nice organic lines an great use of the various bone pieces. I also love the color scheme. Finally, the back-story is hilarious and very well done.
I like it
February 22, 2011
Dude that looks amazingly awsome... And also it looks like a crab spider! Funny! good build!
February 22, 2011
Wow... I'm seriously doubting that I have actual skill after seeing this. It's totally awesome, and the amount of bones and sharp looking pieces make it menacing. Could you please check this out? http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/251526 Thanks!
Quoting Tom Simon
Zane, Zane, Zane ... And you claim to be too good for our club?
I don't claim to be to good for anything haha. And i am unaware of this club you speak of, but i have a feeling i'll need a good, clean shower after joining.
P.S. One thing i forgot to add in my first comment: "i bet a lot of guys on mocpages would enjoy conquering 'Middle Earth'"
The streak of insane masterpieces continues. This tank just upped the ante. The idea is incredible but making it come to life is mindblowing! And of course the psychotic episode does not end there with the hilarious, well thought-off writeup. Bravo!
Did Phippy not pick up on the name? Or the various innuendoes throughout? Or is he just not acknowledging them? Shall we ever kno- what, you want me to look at the model? Oh, alright then...Nah, just kidding, very good work here, very good indeed!
Matt as the 'Bender De Flatulence' was priceless and your write-up was hilarious. The take itself came out great and I now see what you were talking about with the rear. Now, aren't you glad you stuck with it?~H
That's probably the strangest thing I've seen in quite some time. My first thought was 'Mad Max', but I believe Sauron would love to have this either. The explanations are entertaining and the extras amazing.
Hahaha wow... i never i would take in so much from a single MOC. All around the tank is awesome, a quite impressive boner if i do say so myself (however i would have liked a picture showing the boner spraying it's seeds). The mufflers are cool, and the amount of tails/horns all over is astonishing. As for the massive amounts of beefy text to sift through, the description is very nice, and the innuendo...is...well...no comment :)