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M.O. Round 5 - Gabriel Thomson vs. Leda Kat
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Link to the round 5 entry of my extremely talented opposite number, Leda Kat: The Day the Canary Died

For this round, the catagory Leda Kat and I were given was: The last word: Build us a story, any story you wish but here’s the catch...
The first line of your story MUST read:
"After the canary died the mine was shut down, but that wasn't the end, only the begining."
And the last line of your story MUST read:
"And to this day, I still cry whenever I see a mocha frappuccino."
We don't care how you get from point A to point B... just that you have the lines make sense within the story. This category will be judged on both building AND story telling.

Ok, first up, i have a confession to make - this will be my last round in the MocOlympics, as in 10 days i have to go interstate to have long overdue surgery. It's nothing serious, but it means i will be out of action for a few weeks afterward, so i am unable to continue. I always knew this was coming up, but assumed that i'd get knocked out before now. Anyway, i'm very pleased to give Leda a boost through to round 6, but as this will be my last build for a month or more, i still wanted to put up some decent competition! ;)

So when I got the category for round 5, I have to say I groaned inwardly a tiny bit. I’m not much of a writer or a storyteller, and I really wanted to go out with a bang this round. Still, I had a few ideas. I also saw it as a chance to try a change of pace – my round 3 entry was a humorous cracky fic kind of story, so I thought I would attempt something a bit more moving and dramatic. Of course, I leave it to you to judge how successful I have been!

Another note on the story: for the character of Kgarnath, i have used the pronoun "hir", as opposed to his/her. this is because Kgarnath is supposed to be of indeterminate gender, so i have stuck to gender neutral pronouns. It is a deliberate word choice, not a typo! :)

Ok, onto the story. Since I’m not allowed to begin with “Once upon a time”, or “It was a dark and stormy night”…




After the Canary died the mine was shut down, but that wasn’t the end, only the beginning. I was pulled from the wreckage of our company’s advance survey craft by the stange creatures who had shot it down and so fatally crippled it. I went screaming, trying to fight them off, but I was too weak from the blast and they were in their element. I felt my life leaving me and my eyes began to darken.









When I awoke, it took a while for me to recognise anything – it was if I was swimming through molasses in some nightmarish, sickly-sweet dream.



Once my eyes and brain began to to work together again, I began to see that I was in some kind of strange house. It was clearly very old, even ancient. It was hard to breathe, and I felt weak and strange. Bizarre humanoid creatures, like the one that had pulled me from the Canary, looked down at me from my bedside. I couldn’t seem to move my legs, and when I looked down to see what the matter was, what I saw horrified me. In the place where my legs had been, I now sported a large fishes tail! I tried to raise up, but the tenticled creature by my side restrained me with a touch of its hand.

At its touch, I suddenly felt a great wave of peace wash over me, and a depth of connection with its being that was both comforting and profoundly shocking. In the depths of my mind, I heard it speaking to me: “Lay still now. You are still weak and need time to recover. I am Kgarnath, and you have been entrusted into my care. Have no fear, in time you will recover and be strong again.”
“But my legs! Where are my legs!” my mind screamed.
“They were too badly damaged in your craft’s crash” I heard Kgarnath saying. “We had to… improvise in order to save your life, and also to ensure that you had a life worth living in Atlantis.”
A life worth living in Atlantis, I thought hazily to myself. I wasn’t quite sure what I thought about that, but thinking was beginning to feel more and more difficult anyway. I did as Kgarnath bade and slept.



In the following weeks (or was it months? Time quickly lost it’s meaning in this new, watery world) I slowly regained strength, and began to explore what my new, changed body was capable of. Kgarnath was as good as hir word, most tenderly nursing me back to health, teaching me how to breathe slowly underwater and showing me how to use my new tail to move around.



I learned that the Atlantean doctors had modeled me on the now extinct race of mermen, and had released me into Kgarnath’s care to show me the best way to intergrate myself into Atlantean society. All Atlantean’s communicated by telepathy, but in Kgarnath’s and my case the link was especially strong.



I learned much from Kgarnath of the customs of this strange new underwater world, which was now my world. I learned how thier advanced technology lived side by side with respect for the old ways.



As time went on I perceived that Kgarnath cared deeply for me, and slowly I realized that I also began to care for hir also. I no longer saw a terrifying alien visage when I looked at hir, only the familiar lines of one that I loved. I began to feel that I could no longer envisage a life without my guide and soulmate.



In due time I discovered another shock, which Kgarnath had to explain. I had been pregnant! One morning, after feeling heavier and hungrier than usual for a few weeks, I ejected a large quantity of eggs. Apparently it is common knowledge that mermen carry the eggs of their young, but still, I was disturbed that Kgarnath had not thought to warn me that this might happen. We gently gathered the eggs and placed them on the bed, nestling them in a soft blanket of seaweed. Kgarnath seemed elated, and though I tried to share hir joy, I couldn’t help but be concerned about what might hatch from them.



At last the fateful day arrived... the eggs began to hatch! Small spider like creatures, swimming and scampering around as soon as they emerged!



Our neighbours came to congratulate us on our new arrivals. Despite my misgivings, I felt almost stupidly proud of this new life that I had created, and I basked in the glow of my acceptance into Atlantean society.



Our hatchlings grew quickly, and I marvelled at how they developed. All grew new legs and arms, and some changed colour. I had assumed that I would be able to communicate with my offspring as readily as I could with Kgarnath, but here I was mistaken. Thier minds were like polished obsidean to me, closed and with no crack in thier facade that I could discern. They were alien and I grieved for I could not know them.



However, when Kgarnath told me that they would soon leave us when they were fully grown, and that this was right and natural, I was horrified! They were my children! Where would they go? Why didn't they need me, even to communicate to?



One by one they left. When the last two decided to swim away, I could no longer help myself - I followed them wanting to see where they would go. Kgarnath and I followed them to the hole that the Canary had drilled into Atlantis, it seemed all that had happened an age ago. To my surprise, the hatchlings swam into the tunnel, heading up toward the open ocean and the surface.



"Do not follow them!" warned Kgarnath. "They have thier task and thier duty, and we cannot interfere."
"What task?" I asked, surprised. "What do you mean?" But he was silent and would not tell me.
Then suddenly, I began to hear it. A dozen minds all opening at once - the hatchlings were singing! A siren call, full of love and longing, calling to all humans everywhere to return to the bosom of the sea. I was now merman, but a deep human part of me heard it, and I could not resist. I swam upward towards my children, away from my beloved.
"Come back, please! You will only find pain on the surface, and I cannot follow you beyond this point!" Kgarnath cried. But I only had ears for the terrible, beautiful singing.



I swam and swam, always following the singing, but the hatchlings swam much faster than I and eventually I lost them. The singing faded and at last died. Wearied, I made for the shore, wishing to at least find people and look upon what I had once been. I came upon a small jetty and pulled myself up onto its railings.



The jetty had a small cafe on it, but I couldn't see anyone around, despite the fact that the cafe door was wide open and food and drink still stood on the tables. In fact, I couldn't see anyone on the beach either. The whole place had an eerily desolate feeling.



Slowly it dawned on me - the people here, the one's eating this food, drinking thier coffee's, sitting on the beach - they had heard the singing too. And what would they have done? I knew, they would have followed it, just as I did. They would have swum out to sea, going as far as thier strength would take them, and then they would have surely drowned. The hatchlings - my children - were responsible for this, as was I. I contemplated the cold coffe on the table in front of me. Who sat here, sipping thier mocha frappuccino, when they heard the call? How far did they get? Was the singing still ringing in thier ears by the time they succumbed to the waves?



Since that day, I have swum all the oceans of the world, following the coasts, looking for signs that someone has survived. Surely I can't be the only person left on the planet, even if I am not exactly human any longer? Eveywhere I go the story is the same - deserted beaches, abandoned ports, ghost ships on the open ocean. I have given up hope, but still I search. And to this day, I still cry whenever I see a mocha frappuccino.

~Fini.


That's it folks, thanks for looking and reading! Thankyou also to all the wonderful judges and orginisers for this comp, i've had an absolute blast and i feel that it's really helped me stretch myself with my builds. Best of luck too to Leda Kat in round 6, i really hope you make it all the way! :)




Bonus shot of the "Atlantis Defence Unit" and thier vehicles. :)



Comments

 I like it 
  December 16, 2013
I love all of the outstanding detail and just how tend to detail this is, I see builders and when I come back to your creations, there is no comparison. Great job!
 I made it 
  January 10, 2012
Quoting Heath 'kik36' Flor WOW!!! What a deep story, and amazing builds!!! So sorry to hear you had to drop out. Hope your surgery went well!
Thanks Heath, glad you liked my entry! :) My surgery did indeed go well and i am now fully recovered and ready to brick on 2012. (Happy new year btw!)
 I like it 
  January 4, 2012
WOW!!! What a deep story, and amazing builds!!! So sorry to hear you had to drop out. Hope your surgery went well!
 I made it 
  December 10, 2011
Quoting Flicker The Awesome This was simply fantastic! much better than any in that category!
Thanks for the vote of confidence buddy! Glad you enjoyed it. :)
 I like it 
  December 10, 2011
This was simply fantastic! much better than any in that category!
 I made it 
  December 10, 2011
Quoting Samuel Hepple wow i love it too bad there isn't a mermaid for the merman he must be lonely!!
Thanks! Yeah, he did end up sad and lonely at the end, didn't he? Perhaps he will find another anthropromorphic squid monster to love someday! ;)
 I made it 
  December 10, 2011
Quoting Bob the inconceivably invincible Man, that's great! You're a good storyteller and builder!
Cheers! I'm glad that you enjoyed my entry. :)
 I like it 
  November 25, 2011
wow i love it too bad there isn't a mermaid for the merman he must be lonely!!
 I like it 
  November 22, 2011
Man, that's great! You're a good storyteller and builder!
 I made it 
  November 17, 2011
Quoting Caleb S. I think you should have won this round. This is so much cooler then your oponent's.
I appreciate your support Caleb, but as i wrote earlier, i could not advance due to other commitments and thus had to withdraw from the competition. But i'm glad you liked my builds! :)
 I like it 
  November 17, 2011
I think you should have won this round. This is so much cooler then your oponent's.
 I made it 
  November 17, 2011
Quoting Mr. Xenomurphy Gabriel, I'm really sad to hear that you'll leave the MOC Olympics, although it makes judging this round easier. Your story made a lasting impression on me. It's not easy to compare your MOCs for this round to Leda's, since those are 2 different styles. You created whole sets and used them in many different angles to tell your story, whereas Leda built mainly(!) settings to create wonderful photo shoots. Thus said, I shall take the liberty of not voting here. Good luck for your surgery and I hope to wellcome you back here soon.
Thankyou Mr. Xenomurphy, i really appreciate your insightful comments. I agree that Leda and i took very different approaches and have quite different strengths. I am just happy to have had the opportunity to get this far and really stretch my building. I'll definitely be back next year! :) Respect to you also for doing the honours with the judging through the rounds, it looks like such a difficult job.
 I like it 
  November 15, 2011
Gabriel, I'm really sad to hear that you'll leave the MOC Olympics, although it makes judging this round easier. Your story made a lasting impression on me. It's not easy to compare your MOCs for this round to Leda's, since those are 2 different styles. You created whole sets and used them in many different angles to tell your story, whereas Leda built mainly(!) settings to create wonderful photo shoots. Thus said, I shall take the liberty of not voting here. Good luck for your surgery and I hope to wellcome you back here soon.
 I made it 
  November 15, 2011
Quoting Matt David We'll miss you in the future rounds, but we're fortunate to have the opportunity to view this most-excellent creation! Thanks for competing!
Thankyou Matt, i've had a blast in these 5 rounds and i'll be looking forward to competing again next year. Thanks for doing the honours with the judging btw, you guys all do a great job. :)
 I made it 
  November 14, 2011
Quoting Lee Jones Impressive. Lee.
Thanks Lee. :)
Quoting António Silva Great work man! I love the story and the cave and the buildings and the vehicles and... :) I just love it all! Congrats!
Cheers Antonio! Yeah, when i put all the builds on my workbench together it really hit me just how much i'd built in a week! Gives me hope for getting stuff done before Brickvention in late Jan... ;) Best of luck with your judges btw!
Quoting Giovanni & Lennaert Seynhaeve Fantastic builds, great plot and a versatile builder. What a shame to loose you at this point in the contest ( no offense, Leda!). Thanks for sharing and giving this your best anyway. Good luck with your surgeons!
Aw, thanks to both of you! :) It's been a great ride throughout this comp, and one of the best parts has been discoving awesome builders like yrselves. Best of luck with your judges btw!
Quoting Flare . Awesome story, nice work.
Cheers mate!
Quoting Hans Dendauw NPD Fantastic builds combined with an intriguing story, a pity you can't continue on. Best of luck with your surgery and I wish you a speedy recovery!~H
Thanks Hans, i very much appreciate your kind words. :)
 I like it 
  November 14, 2011
We'll miss you in the future rounds, but we're fortunate to have the opportunity to view this most-excellent creation! Thanks for competing!
 I made it 
  November 14, 2011
Quoting Mister Bones Brilliant creations here. Both you and Leda made some very cool builds to support the story. Pity you have to drop out, but I wish you all the best for a speedy recovery.
Thanks Mister B, i really appreciate your kind words and well wishes. I'll be back soon! :)
 I made it 
  November 14, 2011
Quoting Dave Kaleta Mr. Thomson, (I'm going to judge this as if you weren't dropping. Respect to you, for knowing what's important.) I really think your builds are quite lovely and the story is wonderful. However, your opponent edges you out on presentation. Thank you for sharing your take on the category. ~Dave
Thankyou Dave, for your honest critique and for judging the rounds in general - always a tough job! I agree with you on the presentation aspect, i'm amazed at some of the different styles ppl have used in this comp and all of mine so far have been very same-y. It's definitely something that i intend to work on in the future. :)
 I like it 
  November 14, 2011
Brilliant creations here. Both you and Leda made some very cool builds to support the story. Pity you have to drop out, but I wish you all the best for a speedy recovery.
 I like it 
  November 14, 2011
Mr. Thomson, (I'm going to judge this as if you weren't dropping. Respect to you, for knowing what's important.) I really think your builds are quite lovely and the story is wonderful. However, your opponent edges you out on presentation. Thank you for sharing your take on the category. ~Dave
 I made it 
  November 14, 2011
Quoting El Barto ! Great build and story, Chief! Good luck with the surgery, and a speedy recovery!
Cheers El Barto! Thanks for all your efforts in judging this year btw, i really appreciate how tough it must be at times. :)
 I made it 
  November 14, 2011
Quoting Thoy Bradley Hey man, just re-read your entry since its been completed and I have to say its sad that you have to leave us for a short time, though health should always come first. Your a primo builder - especially for an Aussie *Snickers*. All joking aside I hope you have a problem free recovery and can be back with us with more of your brilliant creations in the not-to-distant future. Best of luck with the surgery mate! One of your kiwi buddies, ~Thoy
Thanks again Thoy, i am honoured that you consider me a decent builder, given that you are one of those ppl on MOCpages who's creations constantly amaze me and whom i greatly admire. :) I'll be watching the rest of the comp from my recovery bed and cheering Leda and you on for sure - just like the world cup final, isn't it? xD Best of luck mate!
 I made it 
  November 14, 2011
Quoting Chris Phipson First, best of luck with your surgery. Please come back soon and let us know that you're alright. Second, thank you for posting a KILLER entry even though you wouldn't be continuing. Putting all your effort in knowing that it'll "be for nothing (so to speak)" is a really great thing to do for your opponent. And last, were you able to continue and not have to drop out, my vote would have gone to you. Good luck Gabriel and best wishes on a speedy recovery! ~ Chris.
Thankyou for your kind words Chris, i'll certainly be watching the rest of the comp with interest. :) Certainly i felt the need to put up a strong entry to stand alongside Leda's, not only for her, but also as a tribute to all of the other builders that i have faced in the comp(not to metion my own pride! ;). To be able to take a hypothetical vote away from her is great confirmation that my entry is at least competitive, so thankyou again! Btw, a final thanks to you for running such a great contest, i've been saying to anyone who will listen that i feel it's really pushed me to my limits and shown me what my capabilities and limitations truly are. I'll certainly be back next year! :)
 I made it 
  November 14, 2011
Quoting LukeClarenceVan The Revanchist Fantastic! The story is riveting, and somewhat haunting! The builds are phenomenal, and the first two photos of the beach make it look much larger than it is, brilliant! Thanks for clarifying the hir, and it's a pity you can't continue in the competition. Good luck with surgery!
Thanks Luke for your kind words and well wishes. I'm quite fond of that beach scene as well, once i recover i might try to build a larger version. :)
Quoting jason corlett It's sad to loose so many great builders due to time constraints. Regardless, This is a stellar entry! The story kept my hooked and the builds are fantastic! This round would have been very difficult for the judges!
Thankyou, i'm glad that the story and builds worked for you. :) It is sad to have to pull out, but the experience of being part of the comp to this point (And i did have a much better run than i thought i would!) has been wonderful.
Quoting Rinse Jan disturbing your mind is! but liking your creations I do! (also very nice background!)
Haha, thanks! I actually think that my backgrounds are one of my weak spots - one thing i've learnt from this experience is that i really ought to experiment a bit more with my presentation. :)
Quoting Nick Barrett A strong entry - a shame you can't continue. Get well soon and good luck!
Thanks Nick. I'll be back and building in no time, i'm sure. :)
 I like it 
  November 14, 2011
Impressive. Lee.
 I like it 
  November 14, 2011
Great work man! I love the story and the cave and the buildings and the vehicles and... :) I just love it all! Congrats!
 I like it 
  November 13, 2011
Fantastic builds, great plot and a versatile builder. What a shame to loose you at this point in the contest ( no offense, Leda!). Thanks for sharing and giving this your best anyway. Good luck with your surgeons!
 I like it 
  November 13, 2011
Awesome story, nice work.
 I like it 
  November 13, 2011
Fantastic builds combined with an intriguing story, a pity you can't continue on. Best of luck with your surgery and I wish you a speedy recovery!~H
 I like it 
  November 13, 2011
Great build and story, Chief! Good luck with the surgery, and a speedy recovery!
 I like it 
  November 13, 2011
Hey man, just re-read your entry since its been completed and I have to say its sad that you have to leave us for a short time, though health should always come first. Your a primo builder - especially for an Aussie *Snickers*. All joking aside I hope you have a problem free recovery and can be back with us with more of your brilliant creations in the not-to-distant future. Best of luck with the surgery mate! One of your kiwi buddies, ~Thoy
 I like it 
  November 13, 2011
First, best of luck with your surgery. Please come back soon and let us know that you're alright. Second, thank you for posting a KILLER entry even though you wouldn't be continuing. Putting all your effort in knowing that it'll "be for nothing (so to speak)" is a really great thing to do for your opponent. And last, were you able to continue and not have to drop out, my vote would have gone to you. Good luck Gabriel and best wishes on a speedy recovery! ~ Chris.
 I like it 
  November 13, 2011
Fantastic! The story is riveting, and somewhat haunting! The builds are phenomenal, and the first two photos of the beach make it look much larger than it is, brilliant! Thanks for clarifying the hir, and it's a pity you can't continue in the competition. Good luck with surgery!
 I like it 
  November 13, 2011
It's sad to loose so many great builders due to time constraints. Regardless, This is a stellar entry! The story kept my hooked and the builds are fantastic! This round would have been very difficult for the judges!
  November 13, 2011
disturbing your mind is! but liking your creations I do! (also very nice background!)
 I like it 
  November 13, 2011
A strong entry - a shame you can't continue. Get well soon and good luck!
 I made it 
  November 13, 2011
Quoting Joost Cumps Fantastic build! I saw Leda's entry first, and I found it brilliant, but indeed the same word suits for you entry also. I wish you the best, and get well soon!
Thanks, i really appreciate it! Hopefully i'll be back at the bricks by mid-Dec. :)
Quoting Master Shifu Leo J Kick arse build - check. Kick arse story - check. Just kick arse in general - check! Whoa, this entry kicks arse! Wow!
Cheers mate, glad you like it! :)
 I made it 
  November 13, 2011
Quoting Leda Kat =^..^= Wow what an intense and unique story. Your builds are sublime. That city scape in the final set is wonderful and I am just dying to get my fingers on it and try that out. The little younglings are cleverly made. Sorry to hear you are unable to continue, however I understand. I had major surgery mid July and was unable to build anything until this contest began, so I empathise with your predicament. I must admit it is a real shame though. I was looking forward to a thrilling battle with you Gabriel.
Hey Leda, yeah, sorry about the pulling out thing. On seeing your entry, i was pretty sure you'd make it past me anyway, but i just had to make absoloutly sure. Anyway, just having the opportunity to be able to go head to head with you is an honour, and i really, really wanted to put a compeditive build together, whether or not it actually gets judged. Thankyou very much for your kind words about my build and story btw Leda, i'm really stoked that you like it. All the very best to you for the coming rounds, i'll be checking in from time to time (don't know how much internet access i'll have up in Brisbane!) and cheering you on!
 I made it 
  November 13, 2011
Quoting StoveTop Creator Great story and lovely sets! It will be close! Good Luck to you! :)
Thankyou! :)
Quoting The Timinater ! you are amazing to think this story up! splendid! awesomeness!
Haha, thanks, the story was the hardest part for sure! Glad you like it. :)
Quoting Thoy Bradley Wow Gabriel! This is solid gold! The story is excellent, I love the way it flows and makes sense. Calling the Mine shaft the Canary was a spot of genius! That hexagonal floor mat is a brilliant technique! Leda will be pushed here! ~Thoy
Thanks Thoy, glad you like it! Though the yellow survey craft is "The Canary", not the mine shaft, jsyk. ;) I have to credit the brilliant Kate Walker for the cheese mosaic idea - the design is my own, but definitely inspired by her.
Quoting Connor Simpson Ahhh! I must hear the rest of this! The story is great, and the buildings are really quite beautiful. That mosaic in the floor is absolutely stunning. Very nice work and good luck, this is going to be a tight contest!
Haha, sorry for keeping you on tenterhooks mate! It's all up there now, hope you enjoy the rest of it! :)
 I like it 
  November 13, 2011
Fantastic build! I saw Leda's entry first, and I found it brilliant, but indeed the same word suits for you entry also. I wish you the best, and get well soon!
 I made it 
  November 13, 2011
Quoting Jelle Heijne Looks great! But the last line isn't in! Fix this! Greets, Jelle
Fixed! I uploaded this in segments, as i wasn't confident of MOCpages handling the entire thing at once. Thanks for your concern though. :)
Quoting LukeClarenceVan The Revanchist Fantastic! Both sets are great, but I especially like the house! I noticed a couple of things though: 1- You wrote "just" the beginning instead of "only" the beginning, and 2- you have a typo of "hir" instead of his or her in the part where you talk about his/her tender care. I know these are small, but it is being judged on story, so better safe than sorry. The story itself is really cool though, and the builds are phenomenal! Good luck in the competition and I can't wait to see your entire entry!
Cheers mate, i'm quite fond of the Atlantis villa myself - i might keep it together for Brickvention next year. :) Thanks for the heads up about the typo and the pronoun use, good to know ppl are reading! ;) About the use of the pronoun "hir" - all is explained in my preface now. Thanks again!
Quoting Mihai Marius Mihu Excellent entry, beautiful all around. Good luck!
Thankyou, glad you like!
Quoting Jack Riveorput Very nice.
Cheers. :)
 I like it 
  November 13, 2011
Kick arse build - check. Kick arse story - check. Just kick arse in general - check! Whoa, this entry kicks arse! Wow!
 I like it 
  November 12, 2011
Wow what an intense and unique story. Your builds are sublime. That city scape in the final set is wonderful and I am just dying to get my fingers on it and try that out. The little younglings are cleverly made. Sorry to hear you are unable to continue, however I understand. I had major surgery mid July and was unable to build anything until this contest began, so I empathise with your predicament. I must admit it is a real shame though. I was looking forward to a thrilling battle with you Gabriel.
 I like it 
  November 12, 2011
Great story and lovely sets! It will be close! Good Luck to you! :)
 I like it 
  November 12, 2011
you are amazing to think this story up! splendid! awesomeness!
 I like it 
  November 12, 2011
Wow Gabriel! This is solid gold! The story is excellent, I love the way it flows and makes sense. Calling the Mine shaft the Canary was a spot of genius! That hexagonal floor mat is a brilliant technique! Leda will be pushed here! ~Thoy
 I like it 
  November 12, 2011
Ahhh! I must hear the rest of this! The story is great, and the buildings are really quite beautiful. That mosaic in the floor is absolutely stunning. Very nice work and good luck, this is going to be a tight contest!
 I like it 
  November 12, 2011
Wow. Looks like you have me on build here mate! Got me sweating. That Atlantis temple is beautiful. The story is great so far (we've both taken the canary out of the cage I see) and I'm SO curious to see how you are going to work in the final line. Good luck Gabriel, I will come back again once its finished.
 I like it 
  November 12, 2011
Looks great! But the last line isn't in! Fix this! Greets, Jelle
 I like it 
  November 12, 2011
Fantastic! Both sets are great, but I especially like the house! I noticed a couple of things though: 1- You wrote "just" the beginning instead of "only" the beginning, and 2- you have a typo of "hir" instead of his or her in the part where you talk about his/her tender care. I know these are small, but it is being judged on story, so better safe than sorry. The story itself is really cool though, and the builds are phenomenal! Good luck in the competition and I can't wait to see your entire entry!
 I like it 
  November 12, 2011
Excellent entry, beautiful all around. Good luck!
 I like it 
  November 12, 2011
Very nice.
 
By Gabriel Thomson
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