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LEGO models my own creation MOCpages toys shop Ye Olde School of Hard Knocks...Inns, taverns, and other buildings
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Ye Olde School of Hard Knocks...
Come listen, good souls, 'bout the tale of a bar bringing strangers together from near and from far.
About this creation
(corresponding text is below the pictures)

Down the road comes a wandering party of three,
Dwarf Shifu (Son of Leo), Lord Boner and me.
My title? Sir Hans, the Lord of Hempshire
and the pot wielding monkey is Giggles, my squire.


We'd been riding all day, needing an ale or three
so inquired of two vikings that were drunk by a tree.
'I'm Mahan, he's Gio,' one said with a grunt,
'The pub they call Hard Knocks is the place that you want.'


Behind him I glimpsed, splashing 'round in the water,
A half naked peasant and some farmer's hot daughter!
'That there is Davey, the Goddess is Stacy,
And if you hang out a while it'll get really racy!'


We thought about staying for this fleshy display,
But instead bid them thanks and went on our way.
And there in our path, as we came near to the bar,
Was a huge, ugly prisoner of the Sheriff and two guards.


I am Sheriff Phipson, this is Pricey and that is Jones,
This giant is our prisoner he has sins for which to atone!
This horrible beast will be tried for his crimes!
(But I've done nothing wrong, for the 100th time!)
He eats kids! (No I don't!) He's an animal defiler!
He's The Deathly Halliwell! (But my friends call me Tyler.)


We could hardly care less and just let them pass,
Lord Boner declared, 'Let's get pissed off our ass!'


Heading inside, leaving behind all our cares,
'Round the corner the brewer arrived with his wares.


Friar Heath learned his craft from an old German monk,
Not bad for a one-eyed, one-legged, bald drunk!
Stu saw the kegs arriving and ran home the whole time thinkin',
I'd better hurry up so I can get back and start drinkin'!


Heath wrestled a cask from the back of the wagon, nearly dropping it on his good leg,
When ShannO the barkeep emerged from within to give him a hand with the keg.


'Hey, mate, good to see ya, the folks love your brew,
When you're finished, come back and we'll slam down a few!'
Heath said, 'No problem, I'll finish post-haste,
and when I get back here we'll really get faced!'


Back in the tavern the crowd had grown large
and Heather the bar-wench was just taking charge.
'Get in a line, you rude, unruly louts!
And the next guy to grope me gets their dumb-ass thrown out!'


Ol' Yuri complied, Sebeus I right behind him.
'She sure is a bossy one,' muttered Tom Simon.


Sir Johnson bid Sir Kelso, 'With all respect due,
I've no interest in touching your jousting-stick, dude!'


As Kelso walked away, his shadow it came to life,
It really was Kaleta, the man they call Dark Knight.
Following Sir Kelso took up most of the Knight's days,
He hoped to join along with him in a Devil's Three-Way someday.


Speaking of three-ways reminds me, pay heed and do steer clear
For Parri, Barto and Thorsten are not the real Musketeers!
One for all and all for one is what they'd have you believe,
But that only means you wake up with shame that no amount of scrubbin' will clean!


We had been chatting up this elf, for all that it was worth
Her name was Leda, she spoke kinda funny and came here from Middle Earth.
'I mugged some poor Hobbits for this cool, shiny ring
And then ran them through with this sword they called Sting.
I jumped on my horse, got the hell out of there,
Kept riding for weeks and found myself here!'


The front door flew open and Heath staggered in,
'I'm here with my Smash Bro, let the party begin!
Kevin brought spirits, I brought some cider
We are your one-stop debauchery providers!'


'And last but not least, we brought comedic relief
the unintelligible antics of court-jester Keith!'








Bonus pic

A little tower that I built many moons ago and never did anything with, so I figured I'd throw it in here.



















Fourth Dimension Commentary: I built the tavern quite a while back, but had no real idea what I was going to do with it, so it just sat and collected dust. A collaboration project that I am working on requires many bricks that are tied up in this, so it was time to get in gear! I built the base/landscape over a couple of days and spent about a week trying to develop the poem/story, no easy task with all the characters I wanted to fit in. Now to tear it down, sort the bricks and get to working on other things! Dadeet, dadeet, dadeet, that's all folks! =) ~H




Comments

 I like it 
  August 20, 2014
For some reason, this popped back into my head and I had to locate and reread it. This is gold, Hans, and needs to be brought back. Pretty please?
 I like it 
  January 9, 2012
OMFG That was hilarious!!! LMFAO We need MORE Hard Knocks ventures! (and of course the other secret society :P) Excellent tavern, fantastic poem, and you captured me and my smash brother in true form! I raise a glass in honor of you fine sir!
 I like it 
  December 22, 2011
Hans, I hate that I missed this when it came out. It's absolutely spectacular. The inn looks even better then back when we say the WIP, and your poem is publish-worthy! And there's no doubt that if I were condemned to a life as a minifig, I would spend every night at this place and pass out in that tree.
 I like it 
  December 15, 2011
That's excellent, very creative, funny and well built! What else? Regards - Jay
 I like it 
  December 15, 2011
wonderful set hans! and that poetry...incredibly funny! oh, how I miss those times, when your creations inspired mine s! [attempt at poetry] lol!
 I like it 
  December 10, 2011
Came back to study this. Just planing my own little party...Not as much debauchery in this one as last year's I noticed. I'm looking at more innuendo for mine, though. Excellent work on the build and writing!
 I like it 
  December 6, 2011
Ha! Ha! Very funny moc! Great touches here and there make this creation a winner.
 I like it 
  December 4, 2011
Love it! great job on the text as well, I really must make that boat party sometime but oh so little time. Keep it up, love your work, ah, you even used my updated sigfiggy, what an attention for detail ;)
 I like it 
  December 3, 2011
This is such a cool set! I loved how you added more details than almost any other set. I liked the smoke coming out of the tower/house. What did you use to make that look like real smoke? Did you use mega blocks? You must of spent your whole life trying to build it! just kidd'n! How long did it really take you to build that awesome creation of yours? I would take almost 3 months trying to prop every ounce of that set if it were me to build it! Good MOC! Keep up that awesome effort and don't leave out your best work!
 I like it 
  December 3, 2011
Hehe...
 I like it 
  December 2, 2011
Hahahaha, that's just how me, Barto and Thor roll, lmao. Kelso the artist was a nice touch, and man that cart had Heath's name all over it, look out as Hans and Boner ride into town!!! Mate, luvn this stuff...
Hans Dendauw NPD
 I like it 
Thoy Bradley
  December 1, 2011
Well Hans you've done it again, though I wouldn't go as far to say you'd have Funniest MOC of the year won, I do think you have limited competition against you. This is most excellent, the build and the very comic presentation. Well Done! ~Thoy
 I like it 
  December 1, 2011
It can only mean one thing: Dwarf Shifu is the 'concoction' of a skillet weildin', bacon lovin' ninja and a fine lookin' ewok. That (lack of) love child has lots of hair, er, beard, er ... never mind ... Hehe ... The poem is further enhanced by the corresponding well-built MOC! Love the pig-drawn chariot! Hilarious and entertaining!
 I like it 
  December 1, 2011
That sheep! [laughing] haha!
 I like it 
  December 1, 2011
How do you come up with these things? Perhaps because you're perpetually young? Anyway, great build as well as story. The smoke coming out of the chimney looks fantastic. Thanks for making my day, Hans :)
 I like it 
  December 1, 2011
Nice one Bro, But I still don't see another one that deals with me.
 I like it 
  December 1, 2011
That poem was spectacularly funny and clever! The build is superb and the way you incorporate all the delinquents (and a couple extra too) is pure genius. Well done my friend. Well done. I laughed out loud on many occasions.
Hans Dendauw NPD
 I like it 
Dave Sterling
  November 30, 2011
Oh man...I just can't stop laughing. The poem was awesome. You captured all of us in all our glory. I especially liked the part about Leda being from Middle Earth. Brilliant! And the build is fantastic. Really nice interior details and textures. This totally made my day. Great work!!!
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
I brave this offering of 45 seconds, For a poor ditty now would offend the heavens, To match your inspired muse and Stu's retort, I can but fall back on a last resort. The tree pleases with its drooping canopy, And the internal tavern details flow free, The varied smoke is inspired - even divine, Sooner or later these tricks will be mine.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Oh my stars, that's just a hoot! The inn is lovely, the poem is a truly bawdy tale, and I don't even you for having to tear down and sort. Well done, my friend, well done.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
This is hilarious! Like Medieval Guy said, that chandelier is fantastic.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Hans, Quite lovely. Early favorite for funniest MOC of the year. ~Dave
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
very nice.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
I love that chandellier, what did you use for the candles?
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Oh that's hilarious. XD
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Hahahaha! Funniest MOC I've had the pleasure of seeing in quite a while! Also, that smoke coming out of the chimney looks great. Very nice work!
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Haha!!!! Great job:)
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
This is F'in hilarious Hans - So I'm the man with the spirit HAHA - GREAT Hans, just Great! This made my evening! - K.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Great poem to go along with the build. :) And that's a great idea for photographing indoors of a building and outdoors. :) 5/5
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Haha wow! Lots of funny stuff! I love all the figs! Great job :)
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
What a rough bunch of characters you've got there, especially those three stooges with the fancy hats! Brilliant writing, and the setting is perfect. Glad you put it to good use before tearing it apart. Cheers, Dude!
 I made it 
  November 30, 2011
Quoting Mister Bones Well, my first comment was auto moderated…………so I will just say…HAHAHAHAHAHA, brilliant stuff Mister Hans! (Why is Bones riding a dead cow?)
Too many beers the night before, maybe? Besides, cows, need love too. =) ~H
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Some farmers hot daughter made me crack up! Great detail, love the interiors
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
That place looks like some real fun, I could not get my grin undone. But what with elves without pointy ears? Did I see it right or had to much beers? So many drinks makes it hard to choose, if only I'd get past them pushy jews...
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Well, my first comment was auto moderated…………so I will just say…HAHAHAHAHAHA, brilliant stuff Mister Hans! (Why is Bones riding a dead cow?)
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Hilarious poem, what a crazy bunch of delinquents :) The texture you added to the exterior of the tavern and the surrounding landscape really made this scene fantastic. I really enjoyed all of the interior details as well.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Hahaha! This is great! You are quite the poet Hans.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Hahaahahahahahahaha!!! Bloody brilliant!
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Hey, this is quite amusing... This tale of friends boozing... In a tavern with clients distorted... Too bad it's now dismantled and bricks sorted! :)
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
This is brilliant on every level! The build itself is worth five stars, the architecture is excellent. Then there's the poem, hilarious! I will certainly come back to this every once in a while, for this shall surely brighten the darkest day. Your clever story perfectly enhances the fantastic build, great work!
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
My daughter came in the room and asked what I was laughing about... kinda hard to explain to a 5 year old. In other words, EXCELLENT! And the build, man... AWESOME! Someone needs to add this to the reminder list for funniest mocs for the MOCies next year! Thanks for the laughs and for sharing the build! (oh, nice tower too!) ~ Chris.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
I see that once again I must parry away the horrific jousting stick of Kelso today. You'd think he would least have the decency to wipe off green goo from the orc he just finished impaling earlier, yech! Pure poetry my friend, pun fully intended. Besides those hmm,hmm probing scenes, I especially love what Leda did to those annoying little shire dwellers. Nothin' sceams good times more than a fresh platter of hobbit-kabobs for the holidays!
 I made it 
  November 30, 2011
Quoting Stuart Delahay Brave Hans of Hempshire, your legend preceeds you, I admire your tale, now this poor peasant pleads you, when time is permitting return to computer, and fashion a new tale - Hard Knocks of the future? In addition, I commend your build for it's fun, and everyone knows I enjoy a good pun, the wit there is sharp as the details built in, and the delightful pig chariot should be hailed as pure win.
High praise you have given, oh master of prose, and my interest you've peeked with the tale you've proposed. I've many commitments to tend to here yet, but a future adventure seems a logical step. Consider it festering in the back of my mind, to be built later on when I find some more time!~H
 I made it 
  November 30, 2011
Quoting Mr. Xenomurphy Hans, thank you for making this the best lunch hour in a long, long time. I eagerly awaited your poem when you first mentioned it, but you even managed to outdo yourself with this one. I'll read the whole thing again and this time I'll pay attention the MOC and all its details. There is one question already: Did you built the walls so that you can remove them easily to take all the interior pics?
Yes, the walls are only connected at the top (with 1x2 tiles), allowing for easy removal of entire sections, a lesson I learned with the first Hard Knocks bar. This time the issue was the overall size of the MOC, 48x64, and fitting it in my photography station. The fit was snug (yeah, I said it) and there was more than one occasion where it was hanging off of the edge by a bit! Even with that, the photography session was much, much faster this time around, thanks to the walls.~H
 I made it 
  November 30, 2011
Quoting MortalSwordsman . Hahaha this is very funny, you have made my day bright and sunny. How do you come up with these crazy creations? Incorporating builders from across the nations. A truly magnificent and beautiful moc, of the likes that is rarely seen on the block. Subtle and blatant humour for all ages. Oh how I love the diversity of Mocpages. :)
First poetic response and clever as well! Thanks for the kudos!~H
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Excellent build! I love your take on everyone's sig-figs, especially Kaleta's and Shifu's. Hilarious poem as well!
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Their once was a man, He called him self Hans He built a tavern, a drunk and a tree But not least,died laughing, he made me! Five star.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Sir Hans the Bard, I give you five and a half Lyres, though what you do with the half one is a mystery to me. Very funny! ^Blub^
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
My liege, a thousand bards could not do any better. I bow before your wisdom and skills, Sir Hans, Lord of Hempshire.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
HAHAHA! Kelso with his brush! Phippy as the sheriff! Beyond funneh!
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Fantastic funny stuff, Hans!!!
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Brave Hans of Hempshire, your legend preceeds you, I admire your tale, now this poor peasant pleads you, when time is permitting return to computer, and fashion a new tale - Hard Knocks of the future? In addition, I commend your build for it's fun, and everyone knows I enjoy a good pun, the wit there is sharp as the details built in, and the delightful pig chariot should be hailed as pure win.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Awesome! I love that chandelier idea...clever.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
This poem was awesome. In fact, this moc and write up just made my day. For that, thank you.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Hans, thank you for making this the best lunch hour in a long, long time. I eagerly awaited your poem when you first mentioned it, but you even managed to outdo yourself with this one. I'll read the whole thing again and this time I'll pay attention the MOC and all its details. There is one question already: Did you built the walls so that you can remove them easily to take all the interior pics?
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
A humorous tale of drunks and of wit, I give you five stars, for the beauty of it! ~Ryan
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Brilliant! A very creative ole' story teller ye are :-)
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
HAHA! Classic! Love all the details, especially inside the tavern.
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Hahaha this is very funny, you have made my day bright and sunny. How do you come up with these crazy creations? Incorporating builders from across the nations. A truly magnificent and beautiful moc, of the likes that is rarely seen on the block. Subtle and blatant humour for all ages. Oh how I love the diversity of Mocpages. :)
 I like it 
  November 30, 2011
Excellent..!
 
By Hans Dendauw NPD
Add to my favorite builders

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Added November 30, 2011
 


LEGO models my own creation MOCpages toys shop Ye Olde School of Hard Knocks...Inns, taverns, and other buildings


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