The following is a poorly put together advertisement for mine and Cade's new contest. Viewer attention is advised.
About this creation
Yes, you! You like smarter than the average sack of dirt. And I've got a proposition for you. Who am I, you ask? I have many names. The Conqueror, The Unchallenged, The Unstoppable, The Ladies Man... But you can call me Bill. And I have the good fortune to know the two extremely smart and attractive men, Josh and Cade. And because they are so ridiculously amazing and handsome, they have recently developed a contest for everyone, even chumps like you! But why should you listen to me?
Because I single-handidly won World War 4. Why not World War 3, you ask? Well, WW3 was a big joke. Lots of penguins, Canadian currency and orphan dolphins. But never mind that. You should listen to me because I am a war hero. The well-crafted pedestal on which I stand is a metaphorical representation of my success as a warlord. But that actually happened. Still don't trust me? You should.
Because I'm a doctor. And you should always trust doctors. Why?
Because I'm on a unicycle on a tightrope over a boiling lake of lava. But don't let my awesomeness fool you.
I'm also a low-life redneck, just like you! And this is my pig. His name is Earl. He likes carrots. But what does this have to do with anything? It doesn't. So why am I a spokesman for a music contest? Because I'm quite the musician.
I'm also a time traveler. This is my phone booth-Delorean hybrid. Don't ask me how it works, I just work here. And yes, it does look ridiculous. But why do I have a time machine? Because I'm not from your time period.
I'm actually a caveman. So is Earl. Well, he's a cavepig. Don't ask. Still confused? Me too. And no, this isn't a quickly put together creation to promote views in order to get more people to join the contest! That's silly.
You see, I am actually the one who invented music. I know, I'm awesome, stop with the praise. You see, I invented this here instrument. It's called a tamboring, or something. Anyways, join the contest. Don't be a chump!