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MocOly mpicsRound 4: Stuart Delahay Vs David Alexander Smith
Life on Earth
About this creation
Compliance to rules Here’s David!


Category: The Grey’s research project: Ok, so there’s plenty of UFO talk out there about aliens studying us right? Well… what do they think of us? Your job is to provide us with a brief documentary type moc detailing what the Grey’s (or any other alien species) think about Earth and the strange talking monkeys that live there. Think… nature documentary on the discovery channel detailing the daily lives of termites or something along those lines but from the alien’s point of view.

Somewhere in the Zeta Reticuli System…….



“Dad, come on you are going to miss it! Get in the pod!”



“Thanks G’kath, I’d hate to miss the next episode of ‘Life on Earth’. Let me just set the rejuvapod to ‘Mellow and relaxed’.



“Ahhh, precisely modulated for my chemical imbalances and mental condition. Begin transmission!”



“Terra. Teegeeack. Planetary body 24459.3DR. To it’s inhabitants, it’s simply called ‘Earth’.



The only geologically active planet in its system. The only one to support semi-intelligent life, the race called Humans who named their own planet after dirt. Join me, David Atomburner as we look this episode at that race and the role they play on their planet.



Together with my brood partner Glynnis, we have used the latest in technology to observe the humans in their natural habitat and record their behaviour with the minimum of intrusion.



Unfortunately, humans are suspicious creatures prone to hysterics, so we resorted to abductions and mind-scrubs again.

Just as several times in the lifespan of the human race where the whole population was reset to hide knowledge of cosmic interference.



The Reptilian empire for instance, explained away as prehistoric native reptiles when grave sites are found, while the fortress outpost from which they ruled the planet has been buried deep beneath the Antarctic ice for millennia. The same with the Atlanteans, Morlocks, Rygelan Greys and other species who would exploit this resource rich planet.

The non-interference pact overseen by the Shadow Proclamation means that Earth is now essentially a conservation planet for the humans to either grow from or destroy.



With the special licenses granted to us, we have the unique opportunity to retrieve samples of humanity for inspection, to carefully record our observations, before returning them safely to their natural environment to continue their life as before. We retrieved this example from outside a human feeding site where a mythical warrior called ‘The Colonel’ offers buckets of fried avian parts.



Assisted by my colleague Ferox the vivisector, we shall first look at the human anatomy, stripping away some of the layers to observe the fragile innards. Ferox, if you could begin by removing the…



“Dad!

Now, now my little broodling, you know you are too young for vivisection! I’ll just forward the transmission a little….



… and that is of course the reason why every human must be thoroughly probed in the bottom. Thank you for your assistance Ferox.

Although humans are all generally biologically the same, they exhibit great variance in outward appearance and behaviour based on where on the surface they live, their age and what role they play within their tribe. We shall look at some examples.



The Frenchman, often seen worshipping his deities – cheese and wine. Always travels by bicycle to try and blow away the odours of garlic, onions and defeat in war. The females are regarded as desirable yet unstable. The males twirl their moustaches to hide their constant state of confusion.



The Englishman, suffering from a national ailment affecting the stiffness of his upper lip, which we believe is linked to their awful teeth. He can be found in either a castle or fighting in a football ground. Either variety lives on Tea, roast beef and the accumulated history of conquering most of the world at some point or another. Obsessed by the weather.



The Scotsman, the natural enemy of the Englishman. Living almost entirely on alcohol and anger and burdened with an inability to communicate in it’s native language, when it is forced to consume solid food it eats deep fried mars bars, deep fried pizzas and offal wrapped in a stomach and boiled. Can apparently start a fight in a phone booth.



The Irish. Regarded as charming yet mentally defective by any other nation they contact. They share the national affliction of ginger hair with the Scots, yet seem to have surpassed this disability and fled to the farthest reaches of the planet. There they set up colonies which praise their homeland without ever having to return there. If caught, they can be forced to relinquish their pot of gold by withholding their supply of Guinness.



While this is apparently a Belgian. No-one can truly understand it’s fascination with salami…..



The Australian, descended from British convicts, they have infiltrated that nation by returning in droves as bar-staff. Not much for warfare, they instead risk their lives dealing with the native sharks, spiders, crocodiles and meat pies. Though they speak the same language as the English, they garble it with strange utterances such as ‘Strewth’, ‘Crikey’ and seem wrongly convinced that all females are called Sheila.



Apparently, all Mexicans are either musicians or midget wrestlers. Every single one has a sombrero. They live entirely on chillies and tequila and provide all manual labour performed in the USA.



Italians, a proud nation of plumbers, pizza chefs and corrupt politicians. Unable to communicate without wildly gesticulating their hands, they are as capable at warfare as the French, as volatile as the French, and as trustworthy as the French. These shortcomings are forgiven as they gave the rest of the world Lasagne.



The American. Obsessed with it’s right to own weapons and order enormous portions of food. Holds a ‘World Series’ for one of its favourite sports that no-one else in the world can join in. This national confusion is also apparent in the fact that the American version of football is played with the hands. Immensely patriotic, they try to ensure the rest of the world knows how great they are by stealing their culture to pass off as their own or invading them.



And this is what we found when we retrieved a sample from New Zealand.



The human is a fascinating creature. While conducting the research for this programme, the Universal Council of planets contacted me to ask if my findings led me to believe the Humans should be openly contacted and brought into galactic society. Whether they should be offered our advanced technologies in return for resources from their jewel of a planet.

I said “are you mental?" They have poisoned their own planet repeatedly in the quest for profit, they developed orbital launch platforms for weapons then pointed them towards the surface. I’ve already pointed out that they named their planet after dirt and worst of all, they regard Twilight as entertainment.



No, I advised the council to continue our policy of human non-interference and make further efforts with cattle mutilation. I’m just about to mutilate this one into some very fine ribeye.

Join me next time as we look at lifeforms of the Earth ocean, in particular Salmon, Lobster and a couple of dozen Oysters.

4th Wall/ notes

Loved the category this round and went straight for the obvious comedy too. What I didn’t like was being ill for the last three days, which abbreviated the scope a bit. Never mind, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

I did a take on alien perception of humans for Shannon Young’s Mob Rules contest a couple of years ago so I wanted to avoid using the same gags. I traded off the ‘TV as history’ stuff for that grand old comedy standby – stereotypes. No offence meant to anybody – you will note I kicked my fellow Englishmen as well as any other national targets I used. If you think you are offended, feel free to write me a letter detailing your complaints and grievances. I’ll never even receive it, never mind read it, but you may feel better.

Good luck to David, and to everyone else in this round. The patriot in me wants to point out that 25% of this round is British, and due to me facing David and George G facing Nick Barratt then 25% of next round will be too. Go team GB! Once again, our tiny archipelago off the coast of Europe punches way above it’s weight.

While obsessing over the weather and drinking tea.

Thanks for looking.





Comments

  February 28, 2013
kinda racist.... Actually really racist.
  January 16, 2013
funny! heh, i caught the doctor who refrence!
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  December 25, 2012
They're Made of Meat anyone? Lovely humor. Simply laughed until I could no more. Well done Stu.
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  November 17, 2012
Nobody understands the human race better than you, Stu! Excellent!
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  November 17, 2012
That is strange - I was sure I left a comment. I remember reading this story at work *hem*, maybe that's the reason. Anyway, wonderfully entertaining.
 I like it 
  November 9, 2012
Great creation! I like the way you built earth! Also check out my Lego creations.
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  November 8, 2012
Haha. Great stuff. Gave me a good laugh.
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  November 8, 2012
Haha! This is the funniest thing I've seen in a while! And great build, too! Heh... New Zealand... Heh...
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  November 7, 2012
That was honestly one of the funniest and most clever MOCs I've seen in a good long while... you perfectly captured the silliness of the human race at some points in our existence. Stunning work and good luck in the future!
 I like it 
  November 7, 2012
Hilarious stuff here! You've got my vote as well! See you in round 5!
 I made it 
  November 7, 2012
Quoting David Alexander Smith Well, let me be the first to congratulate you. You were always going to be a tough competitor to beat. Now go on and make sure there's a Brit in the finals.
I'll do my best! Thanks David.
 I made it 
  November 7, 2012
Quoting Giovanni & Lennaert Seynhaeve You'll never understand anything about salami untill you held mine.
Promises, promises.....
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  November 7, 2012
This is fantastic. I forgot to check it out earlier, and had to stop by after you posted in the lug. Once again, your humor is able to pull any category your way. The list of nationalities was brilliant, as was the probe scene. Great job and congratulations for moving on.
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  November 7, 2012
Congrats on advancing!
 I like it 
  November 6, 2012
Thanks big time for those laughs you just gave me Stu, I really needed that. Your summary of the nationalities had me howling with laughter at my computer screen and my work mates, curious, all came to check it out too. Well done.
 I like it 
  November 6, 2012
You'll never understand anything about salami untill you held mine.
 I like it 
  November 6, 2012
Well, let me be the first to congratulate you. You were always going to be a tough competitor to beat. Now go on and make sure there's a Brit in the finals.
  November 6, 2012
Very interesting, I liked the sample pedestal, You have my vote, good luck
 I made it 
  November 6, 2012
Quoting Leaith Flex I love how racist this is! XD
Got to be careful with terms like that. I understand the context you are using it in, but I would just like to point out that i view discrimination in a very dim light. The comedy used here plays on very broad-brush ideas and in no way should be taken seriously, nor as my own personal opinions. My VLUG mates variously hail from America, Australia, New Zealand, Italy, Germany, Belgium, The Netherlands, Canada and elsewhere and i've never had anything other than the highest regard for any of them.
 I like it 
  November 6, 2012
Ferox was really well done, something about the way you could position him gave him some personality.
 I made it 
  November 6, 2012
Quoting MCLegoboy ! However, you didn't include Asians, Africans, Russians, Puerto Ricans, and worst of all... Canadians.
I know, I know. Time was my enemy here. I was hoping to rustle up more, perhaps even do some small scenes to portray them (and try and get further sight gags in) but no such luck.
 I made it 
  November 6, 2012
Quoting LWC guy All the orcs are over in the land of criminals, Mordorstralia.
I love this! Thank you!
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  November 6, 2012
Great work, such a fun story!
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  November 6, 2012
Haha, fantastic!
Delatron 3000
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White Knight
  November 5, 2012
Love it !!>....well done
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  November 5, 2012
Yup, we've got a few Hobbits over here, and some cows, and occasionally a wizard. All the orcs are over in the land of criminals, Mordorstralia. Very nice build, Loving the country humour going on! (and yes, here in NZ we speak english too, not Americese. It's humour, not humor!)
 I like it 
  November 5, 2012
Yup, we've got a few Hobbits over here, and some cows, and occasionally a wizard. All the orcs are over in the land of criminals, Mordorstralia. Very nice build, Loving the country humour going on! (and yes, here in NZ we speak english too, not Americese. It's humour, not humor!)
 I like it 
  November 5, 2012
We've been figured out! There must be tons on info revealed in those a**l probes ... wait ...
  November 5, 2012
Hilarious! I almost scolded my upper lip in my cup of tea! I loved the giant camera on the UFO. Great fun and very imaginative.
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  November 5, 2012
I love how racist this is! XD
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  November 5, 2012
LMFAO! This was great, loved the explainations of the races, wish there were a few more, but so funny!
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  November 5, 2012
Stu, this is exactly what I was hoping for when I came up with this category! The builds were great, and the story was FUNNY! You got my vote and good luck with your other judges! ~ Chris.
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  November 5, 2012
LMFAO excellent job mate, but you left out the Asians! :P A great bit of comedy as usual. Can't wait to see the results of this match up!
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  November 5, 2012
Hilarious! Keep drinking that tea, mate! ;)
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  November 5, 2012
Great stuff here... builds and comedy! I especially liked those observation platforms all the specimens stand on! Best of Luck! :)
 I like it 
  November 5, 2012
What a hoot! You really nailed the category! I like the progression from the family, to the probing, to the stereotypes. And the builds are certainly impressive. Good luck!
 I like it 
  November 5, 2012
Stuart! This is so brilliant! I love this so much! I have so much love for how you ripped on us 'mericans and i got a good laugh out of Frodo! Excellent work, i'm almost glad i lost to such an amazing builder. Great work Stuart and good luck!!
 I made it 
  November 5, 2012
Thanks for the kind words everybody, and for taking it in such good humour if i had a dig at your nation. You are a good bunch!
 I like it 
  November 5, 2012
Hilarious, but even funnier from an American's point of view!
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  November 5, 2012
This is genius! I literally laughed to tears! That's exactly what I expected to see from you... I'm glad we cook well, because we can't compete against british in humour (or football). Now if you'll excuse me, I have to ride my bike to wash away those veal kidneys and 1870 defeat smells. Good luck!
 I like it 
  November 5, 2012
Amazing builds Stuart with excellent entertainment value! Loving the 2D earth and the stereotypes. The name David Atombomber is brilliant!!! C'mon you brits, it's about time we conquered something new ;-) Best of luck!
 I like it 
  November 5, 2012
Dude, that was awesome! However, you didn't include Asians, Africans, Russians, Puerto Ricans, and worst of all... Canadians. Great job on the New Zealand one though, very accurate. At first, I didn't think it was going anywhere, but once you started the stereotypes, oh man. So good.
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  November 5, 2012
hahaha, NZ is the Shire, lmao...
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  November 5, 2012
LMAO - It's all brilliant, and hilarious. I'm off now to beat up some Chelsea fans... Go Team GB!
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  November 5, 2012
Haha David Atomburner!! But the shadow proclamation? Aren't you crossings universes? Still, really funny, good luck in the next round!
  November 5, 2012
Comedy gold - I love David Atomburner's hairpiece and can just imagine him delivering his commentary in slightly hushed, measured tones. I liked the shout-out to Doctor Who as well! Okay so going for the stereotypes is obvious, but why not when it's this funny? Good luck and go Team GB!
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  November 5, 2012
just as Thoy said, but being an Australian, I laughed at the NZ description! actually, I enjoyed them all. fantastic entry, best of luck!
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  November 5, 2012
I'll be honest I avoided comedy because I knew based on your previous entries that this was your strength. The last thing I wanted was to be the owner of that ITV sitcom that no one finds funny. I was right, this is a riot. Favourite gags - David Atomburner and that hair piece; the mythical warrior the colonel. Some nice bits of building dotted around the narrative too. All in all a very good and very very funny build.
 I like it 
  November 5, 2012
Haha, I like you kind of humor, and the belgian joke made my day!
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  November 5, 2012
Nice job, and good luck!
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  November 5, 2012
Haha! Fantastic work Stu! Being a Kiwi, I loved your description of the Australians! At first I skipped the NZ photo and just saw a Cow underneath the NZer description - that really made me laugh - then I clicked. Perhaps I have some of that Irish in me too... Fantastic work all round mate. ~Thoy
 I like it 
  November 4, 2012
Yup. That's what an American is! Great build, immensely entertaining, and good luck!
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  November 4, 2012
Quite a treat to behold in every aspect. I must admit I would love to see another episode detailing the Asian and African races (and if possible an unedited vivisection blooper reel for us older yet far more immature viewing fans, oh my)!
 I like it 
  November 4, 2012
Hehe, funny stuff Mr. Delahay (but then, humor always was your forte)! ;)
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  November 4, 2012
Do the Japanese too and I'll treat you some Lasagne.
 I like it 
  November 4, 2012
Humorous as expected. I like the shorts for the Aussie and did not realize that Scots, like Southerners from the US also eat anything deep fried- Twinkie, anyone?
 
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