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The Tragedy of Toa Dernek
A toa that wants to kill himself for what he's done, but can't. For the 2013 Bio Cup R1 or eliminatories.
About this creation
So, this is for the 2013 Bio Cup. My entry, Dernek, toa of stone, with the kanohi of speed.




Hello! I am Mr. Z, the librarian of the, well, I already told you this, didn't I! Yes I did! Anyway, I shall now introduce the 'Lonely Toa,' Dernek!




Here he is, in hologram form! We cannot approach him in real life because, well, I will tell you why!




Dernek was born a matoran on the planet of Ragus Magna. He was very smart and kind, more so in each than anyone in his tribe.




One day, while roaming the desert looking for a wounded rahi, he found an old toa being attacked by a makuta. He ran to help, but the makuta stuck the toa down.




With his last energy, the toa gave his power to Dernek, who found himself a toa of stone with the kanohi of speed. He ran back to his tribe, gathered a posse, and killed the makuta.




He then joined a toa team. He loved one of his teammates, and she loved him back.




Since he was so kind and he was the one keeping baddies out of people’s homes, he was the most liked toa in the region. But this could not last long.

(Whoops!)




One day, a makuta turned up that could cast spells. He took down the entire team and then turned to Dernek. Dernek won, but could not strike the killing blow. The makuta screamed at him, shouted a curse, and then called his weapon, an ax, same as Dernek, to crash into his skull. The curse made Dernek unlucky.




He really does hate himself! Even our holographic Dernek is depressed!




Slowly, his entire team died. Then, when he tried to kill himself out of grief, he could not. He was made an undead, with no way to die. Then, the full effect kicked in.




He found he got pleasure out of killing innocents. Not that he wanted to, but the pleasure always won out over his will. He now wanders the desert, hoping he will never run into anyone and be forced to do what appalls him. He is the Lonely Toa, and his life, as awesome as it had been, his halflife is miserable. Really a sad tale.




4th Wall: Yeah, random back pic!




So, the height limit was 9 and 1/2 inches, so I made him even shorter! Still much detail.




He still has his weapon from his toa days, an ax!




Random action pic, terrible.




For once, I like the ax I made. Thanks to Shadowgear6335 for the inspiration!




Bye! Glad I can't kill you!




Front



Side



Back


Side without arm in the way.


Again, side view without arm. Thanks for the suggestion, Yuri!




View of the most changed part, the forearm. I don't really love it, but it is better than the previous two versions. I like the legs. Once I built them, I didn't change hardly a thing. Now, I reeeeeeeeaaaaaalllllllyyyyy like the feet. I ended up going with a post-apoc look, not what I had in mind when I started.




A side view of the flexible stomach/torso. Again, thanks to Shadowgear6335 for the inspiration! I wanted him to have an ape-like look, suggested by one of my friends. He does not have good posture since he just does not care anymore. His nails have overgrown, his neck has been broken so many times it can't heal right, and his arms are longer than his legs since the latter has been broken beyond normal recognition. Also, sorry about the bad pics. It's like, 120 degree where my studio is, and last time I went up there, I almost got stung by a wasp. Thanks for you time, comments and suggestion greatly appreciated!





Wait! His story isn't done! I have not yet gotten to the part where...!




Oiy! Don't say that yet! There is still the rest of the contest! His story might need to be told then, not now!
OK! Jeez, Raidall, you are such a spoil-sport!




Sigh! Well, I guess that's all for now! See you next time!

One last thing! I really like this guy! Though, if I can't scrap him in any way for the rest of the contest, I am going to lose quick! Also, sorry about the bad pics. That's all! Bye!




Comments

 I like it 
  July 25, 2013
Awesome!
 I made it 
  July 3, 2013
Quoting cyberfrank 2010 I like the grey one, if you could make the torsio bulkier, it d be perfect!
Well, maybe next round! Thanks!
 I made it 
  July 3, 2013
Quoting Luke Chaney Nice back-story, really good MOC, I hope the judges like it to.
Thanks! They have so far!
 I like it 
  July 3, 2013
I like the grey one, if you could make the torsio bulkier, it d be perfect!
 I like it 
  July 3, 2013
Nice back-story, really good MOC, I hope the judges like it to.
 I made it 
  July 3, 2013
Quoting Clever Crowe I've missed this - even though I recall typing something about buying wasp spray for your Studio - but mebbe the Posting just spun its wheels until I forgot about it. I like the rugged, apocalyptic, sorta road-warriorish finish and elements like the tread-chains. Good build, and worth my 7 points. Cheers, and good luck!~
Thanks! It is always pleasing to hear praise from you! And about the wasp spray, my mom said, "Absolutely not, you will not spray that in the house."
 I like it 
  July 2, 2013
I've missed this - even though I recall typing something about buying wasp spray for your Studio - but mebbe the Posting just spun its wheels until I forgot about it. I like the rugged, apocalyptic, sorta road-warriorish finish and elements like the tread-chains. Good build, and worth my 7 points. Cheers, and good luck!~
 I made it 
  July 2, 2013
Quoting Berial . Very good moc, with a lot of character and originality, but it lacks a bit of polishment for my taste. Well done! You get a 7 from me
Thank you! I agree with your reasoning completely in fact, that was the reason I did not expect to do so well.
 I like it 
  July 2, 2013
Very good moc, with a lot of character and originality, but it lacks a bit of polishment for my taste. Well done! You get a 7 from me
 I made it 
  July 2, 2013
Quoting Johann Dakitsch Cool! Good build and a nice design, the posture kinda reminds me of Onua Mata, but a bit more monstruous. Not a fan of that 'belly' section, its a bit too flat with only those liftarms. Also, thosee pins sticking out in the forearm bug me a little bit, but thats really nitpicking from me. Overall, very good entry and a fine character. An 8 for you!
Thank you! If I make it to the next round, that is number one on my list of improvements.
 I like it 
  July 1, 2013
Cool! Good build and a nice design, the posture kinda reminds me of Onua Mata, but a bit more monstruous. Not a fan of that 'belly' section, its a bit too flat with only those liftarms. Also, thosee pins sticking out in the forearm bug me a little bit, but thats really nitpicking from me. Overall, very good entry and a fine character. An 8 for you!
 I made it 
  July 1, 2013
Do I get extra points for making him two inches shorter than the max?
 I made it 
  June 30, 2013
Quoting Chris Yee Too many interesting design elements to talk about! The cursed hero, doomed to become that which he fights against. Those brown chains, there is something about them that adds much to the character. You get an 8. Let's hope Dernek finally finds the redemption he needs.
Well, he just might if he goes on! Or he may, oh wait, he must go on first. Oops. Anyway, thanks!
 I like it 
  June 30, 2013
Too many interesting design elements to talk about! The cursed hero, doomed to become that which he fights against. Those brown chains, there is something about them that adds much to the character. You get an 8. Let's hope Dernek finally finds the redemption he needs.
 I made it 
  June 27, 2013
Quoting Monarth GS An intelligent yet instinctive bionicle zombie? Nice. Playing around with the posture and part/color mix and match really suits him and those brown chains look very nice. A nice original entry, something this contest needs. 8 points.
Thank you! I was hoping he would be original, so I tried my hand in tragedy. Not sure how he might do later, but for now, I am satisfied. Again, thanks a ton for your comment!
 I like it 
  June 27, 2013
An intelligent yet instinctive bionicle zombie? Nice. Playing around with the posture and part/color mix and match really suits him and those brown chains look very nice. A nice original entry, something this contest needs. 8 points.
 I made it 
  June 26, 2013
Quoting Max W. Jeez. Something in real life getting you down? I tend to think depressive thoughts like that when bad stuff happens. It sucks. Great moc, like 'Gat said his posture is perfect.
No, nothing is getting me down. :) I just wanted a really bad backstory for once. Thanks, I am looking forward to your entry!
 I made it 
  June 26, 2013
Quoting Yuri Fassio You're the one who played the most with proportions so far. A bold move, and well executed. It's complex, articulated and a kickaxe character. The brown treads add that bit of "rust" that enhances his junkpile look, and the weapon is very original. You deserve my 8 points. Have fun with them.
Thank you! I just hope the rest of the judges are as generous.
 I like it 
  June 26, 2013
You're the one who played the most with proportions so far. A bold move, and well executed. It's complex, articulated and a kickaxe character. The brown treads add that bit of "rust" that enhances his junkpile look, and the weapon is very original. You deserve my 8 points. Have fun with them.
 I like it 
  June 25, 2013
Jeez. Something in real life getting you down? I tend to think depressive thoughts like that when bad stuff happens. It sucks. Great moc, like 'Gat said his posture is perfect.
 I made it 
  June 25, 2013
Quoting LukeClarenceVan The Revanchist Awesome build! Love the posture and shape, the spiked bits work wonders.
Thank you! I hoped they would do that.
 I like it 
  June 25, 2013
Awesome build! Love the posture and shape, the spiked bits work wonders.
 I made it 
  June 25, 2013
Quoting Kraata Face Love it! The posture is great and the feet are ace!
Thank you! I look forward to your entry!
 I made it 
  June 25, 2013
Quoting Z productions I'm competing against you, but I still need to give you 5 stars. The story, amazing, that in itself is worth 5 stars. You should make that story a short PDF book, or an animation, or, find an artist (hint, hint) and work together to make a sort of manga. I'd buy it, or if it were to be free, I'd download it! :P And so would a lot more. In fact, if you serious about this story, send my a business email at Zproductions.Zproductions@Gmail.com
Thanks! The original was actually much longer, but I decided to shorten it since he is only and entry and I didn't want to put my viewers to sleep. Thanks for the offer, I will definitely consider it. I could work a lot more into the story than that, and I even have an entire canon world in mind. I appreciate the comment, I may just be in touch. :)
 I made it 
  June 25, 2013
Quoting Gringat the Repugnant Excellently done. His posture is perfect, and I love the use of those brown chain links.
Thank you! Those were a last second addition, but once I added them, they made all the difference! If you are doing the Cup, then I simply can barely wait for your entry!
 I like it 
  June 24, 2013
Love it! The posture is great and the feet are ace!
 I like it 
  June 24, 2013
I'm competing against you, but I still need to give you 5 stars. The story, amazing, that in itself is worth 5 stars. You should make that story a short PDF book, or an animation, or, find an artist (hint, hint) and work together to make a sort of manga. I'd buy it, or if it were to be free, I'd download it! :P And so would a lot more. In fact, if you serious about this story, send my a business email at Zproductions.Zproductions@Gmail.com
 I made it 
  June 24, 2013
Quoting Yuri Fassio It looks very cool, but I see a lot of close-ups ans dynamic shots, I suggest you add one or two simple, clear full-figure shots before adding the link (note: if parts of the MOC are cut out, it's not a full figure and it also makes it hard to evaluate proportions and general look)).
Thank you, I knew there would be something basic that I needed to do before locking my entry. I greatly appreciate your comment, again, thank you.
 I made it 
  June 24, 2013
Quoting Toa Infernum Very nice! When you said " then called his weapon, an ax, same as Dernek, to crash into his skull" do you mean Dernek's or the Makuta's skull?
The makuta's skull. He killed himself since Dernek would not, to teach him a lesson. Thanks! Can't wait until you post your entry!
  June 24, 2013
It looks very cool, but I see a lot of close-ups ans dynamic shots, I suggest you add one or two simple, clear full-figure shots before adding the link (note: if parts of the MOC are cut out, it's not a full figure and it also makes it hard to evaluate proportions and general look)).
 I like it 
  June 24, 2013
Very nice! When you said " then called his weapon, an ax, same as Dernek, to crash into his skull" do you mean Dernek's or the Makuta's skull?
 I like it 
  June 24, 2013
Excellently done. His posture is perfect, and I love the use of those brown chain links.
 
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