MOCpages : Share your LEGO® creations
LEGO models my own creation MOCpages toys shop October UC-AftermathBack in time
Welcome to the world's greatest LEGO fan community!
Explore cool creations, share your own, and have lots of fun together.  ~  It's all free!
October UC-Aftermath
Happy Halloween, everyone! This is my (non) amazing entry for the Universal Challenge! I was freaking out, but I got it ready for photos. Good luck to all!
About this creation

My meeting was to begin soon, and I intended to be prepared.

I started walking up the small sand dunes.





Now it was time to wait.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement.

"Greetings!" the man said.

"Let's get down to business." I growled.

"Of course, of course! Everything is ready and the spell is nearly done."

"Ahahah. Excellent. I must say that this was an excellent plan. No casualties, but no foreigners either." I replied.

"I thank you very much for your help." I continued. "The payment?" he asked. "Ahhh, the payment..."

I pulled out my blade.

And swung it, as fast as a snake's bite.

I grabbed his body before it fell,

And threw it into the sea.

He started floating, and asked for help.

He started drifting further away, and his pleas stopped.

Now... Time to watch.







I was resting in my private part of town, as it had been abandoned long ago.

I heard a noise and backflipped over the bit of stone I was lying on.

When I realised it was my agent I walked over to him. "There's a fire! In town!" he shrieked.

I smelled smoke and walked over to the edge of the roof.

There were three men running, one of them on fire. I saw a man change his stance, looking like he was about to fight.

He span and the flame on the man's head intensified.

"WE NEED TO GO!" I yelled after I witnessed the.... the magic?









I was waiting... I knew there would be people running along the beach, and one of those must be the assassin.

They skidded to a stop behind me, realising I was there.

"Hahahah, hello there!" I laughed.

"How are you?" I asked. "It was you! You did all this!" the assassin said. "It was all an illusion! You really think I would destroy my home?" I replied. "I wouldn't put it past you." They said.

The assassin charged me as I swung my sword.

They ducked and my swing missed.

They stood back up and grabbed my sword.

We struggled for control and it flew out of our hands, and landed in the water.

My anger fueled me and I used that anger to smack the assassin extremely hard in the face.

Their hood flew off, and I saw the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

She jumped back, and I gazed, dumbstruck. I snapped out of it as I realised that looks can kill.

She started to jump and I charged.

We collided and she grabbed me.

She spun and used the momentum to throw me.

She grabbed me by the collar...

And kissed me on the lips.

She ran off and I sat up straight.

I need to have a bath and think about this...

I swam in a small pool as I gathered my thoughts.

"Wait! Wait for me!" I yelled.

I got out and put on my clothes, needing to catch up with her. I barely realised the people screaming and running out of Worsan.



Comments

 I made it 
  November 10, 2013
Quoting David FNJ I like the sandy scene the best.
Thanks!
 I like it 
  November 8, 2013
I like the sandy scene the best.
  October 31, 2013
Nice lighting on the main picture. While the builds have great potential, I think they could have been executed much better.
 I like it 
  October 31, 2013
Dude, you're getting a lot better! Great work :D
 I made it 
  October 31, 2013
Quoting Thomas of Tortuga Good job! The building is better than you have been doing, and I'm glad you're putting in details on your scenes! On the presentation: Photography is looking much better with the white backdrop. The story is still a little confusing when you switch viewpoints so quickly- try having either your speech or the BL's speech be in italics to help your reader out. Before you post the story, read through it and see if you need to add anything or take anything out. If your character going swimming near the end has nothing to do with the story, then take it out! Also, if there's no reason to have the assassin be female except so that your character can fall in love, then consider changing her role around to either an assassin or a love interest- both can be very difficult to do without sounding cheesy. Don't take this as me bad-mouthing your creation- this is your best LOM MOC I've seen, and I'm just trying to help you make it even better. :)
Ok, you basically predicted my story... But I need to modify it. Thanks for the feedback, and I honestly thought this was one of my worse ones. I will also change assassin's speech to italics when I can, as I am at school (what a ninja) and can't put in italics on my iPad.
 I like it 
  October 31, 2013
Good job! The building is better than you have been doing, and I'm glad you're putting in details on your scenes! On the presentation: Photography is looking much better with the white backdrop. The story is still a little confusing when you switch viewpoints so quickly- try having either your speech or the BL's speech be in italics to help your reader out. Before you post the story, read through it and see if you need to add anything or take anything out. If your character going swimming near the end has nothing to do with the story, then take it out! Also, if there's no reason to have the assassin be female except so that your character can fall in love, then consider changing her role around to either an assassin or a love interest- both can be very difficult to do without sounding cheesy. Don't take this as me bad-mouthing your creation- this is your best LOM MOC I've seen, and I'm just trying to help you make it even better. :)
 
By Harry Wilkinson
Add to my favorite builders

6
people like this. See who.

392 visitors
6 comments
Added October 31, 2013
 


LEGO models my own creation MOCpages toys shop October UC-AftermathBack in time


You Your home page | LEGO creations | Favorite builders
Activity Activity | Comments | Creations
Explore Explore | Recent | Groups
MOCpages is an unofficial, fan-created website. LEGO® and the brick configuration are property of The LEGO Group, which does not sponsor, own, or endorse this site.
©2002-2014 Sean Kenney Design Inc | Privacy policy | Terms of use