An interview with Mukraatan. Yes, he's not dead anymore! See a side to him that none have ever seen before! Check it out!
About this creation
Interview Matoran: First off, let me thank you for coming today.
Mukraatan: It was no big deal, thanks for having me.
I: Let's start off by recapping what recently happened. You died, didn't you?
M: Yep, it stunk! Tohuka went straight for my throat with that stupid sword and that was the end of it for that time. After my unfortunate decapitation, I was dragged down into this fiery place for a while. The flames stung a bit, but they fused by body back together. I got up and asked "Hey, who's the owner of this place?" Everyone was too busy screaming and rolling around in the fire to answer, but this giant horned goatman thing came out from behind me with an ego the size of a planet. He was going on with all his "I am the dark prince of Hell" and "Bow before the Devil" and blah-blah-blah-blah. I looked at him and said "You're full of it! I once commanded a thousand brigades of Infernos, several million Krita Ghost Soldiers, and a large handful of Behemoths." He looked at me and declared "I destroy the souls of sinners! I have an army of fallen angels! I use deceit and temptation to destroy all who stand for good!" I just gave him the raised eyebrow and pointed out "Deception is worthless! And you call yourself a dark lord? I have a poison sorceress who spreads plague clouds on the desired targets instanteneously! I can send hordes of soldiers after those who anger me? I give my unholy soldiers retirement pension, for heaven's sake! And what to you have? A rundown pit in serious need of a fire extinguisher. Seriously, foreboding darkness and endless caverns are so much more effective in tormenting people." Then he said, "You died from a Toa in shiny armor, I just got thrown out of heaven for rebelling against God." Then I was like "Ya know what, I'm outa here!" So I left.
I: You just left? From the deepest circles of hell?
M: Yea, I'm here, aren't I? You see, the souls of the damned don't have wings and I do, so I just flew out.
I: Um, ok, next question. You said you give your soldiers retirement pension?
M: I did back when I was still running the underworld, but now they're on their own. We had a system where soldiers got their weekly check with periodical raises depending on how much chaos and havoc they caused, then they could be promoted and transmutate into Infernos, who would get better health benefits and a higher wage. We had a few giant beasts, such as behemoths, who needed a lot of medical coverage though because you can't take a regular surgeon's knife to organs the size of a small car. That was one of the struggling factors for us, keeping everyone's needs supplied.
I: So what do you do now?
M: I have a luxury yacht sitting right off the coast of Kueva Nui tricked out with listening and spy stuff so I can watch everything and hear everything that goes on with Kueva Nui. The troops are probably fighting for control of the pension system, that's where most of them probably are. The ones that get rejected come up to the surface to mess up a few Matoran to relieve their stress, but they get massacred by the Demi-Toa. Next time I see Tohuka, I do need to thank him though, because the eruption of some of my blood onto the island lowered my blood pressure back to normal. You wouldn't believe how high it was before. Scary!!
I: If you've been sitting in your yacht this entire time, how do you survive?
M: Oh I have a three year supply of Wheaties(TM) cereal below deck. I may be evil and malicious, but I love my Wheaties.
I: Um, ok. So do you ever plan on returning to Kueva Nui?
M: As the lord of the underworld? Heck no! That raised my blood pressure, added unnecessary stress, and I had to put up with that naggy hag, Sidi-Koro. Jeez, she was annoying! "Mukraatan, why can't I go poison To-Kueva, today?" was her most annoying question. She had a grudge against Tohuka, and I think she still does, but she's been wanting to put Tohuka's entire village under a poison spell for a while now. I always told her though, "If you do, Tohuka will come after you like a bat out of my lair, and he's one of the better fighters of the group. Do you really want that?" She'd go "No..." and sulk off back to her chambers.
I: So what do you plan to do?
M: Hmmm... Once my Wheaties run out, I think I'll go and set up a cereal factory for my Untold Horrors so they have a place to work. That's one dream that's always been side-tracked from having to command an unholy army, I've always wanted to have my own cereal factory, and now that the Demi-Toa are no longer concerned with me since they think I'm still dead, I'll be free to do as I please!
I: Um, thank you, Mukraatan. It's been a... pleasure?
M: The pleasure is mine, now if you'll excuse me, a bowl of Wheaties is calling my name.
No one was hurt in the interveiw, but our interviewer did need a psychiatrist after this.