Hello, I’m Johanna Fullerschmidt. You might recognize me as the cross dressing reporter of the APMS. My updated look commemorates our new station: PMS.
Welcome to The 2098 Beijing Olympics at the famous Great Wall Stadium. The First Ever Cyborg Snail Racers are just underway. This is by far the most anticipated event of the century, made possible through the ingenious work of Dr Eggplant with the technique of retroplastic tranfibrilosis affixation.
Before we get this party started we need to pause for an advertisment from the Boys over at Goodyear Blimp: Announcement: Try our new Ribbed Snail Treads. Glide through life, now with twice the pleasure...
Thanks Guys for the aerial!!! The Smog Really makes for a great view.
The crowd looks like its really getting into the action. Lets get a closer look at those super fans down in the first row.
And Its HIM. The grand Pooh-Bah of PMS. Chris is really becoming a fixture at these events. He must have bought the season tickets from Jack Nickelson.
Ok... Moving on….
Professor, we all have to know why you have a jellyfish on your head?
Eggy: Do fries come with that shake?
I think the kind professor means to say that its actually his pulsating brain. He’s so modest and just darn sexy isn’t he?
Look who we have here. Its Keith and Mark. Do you guys have any favorites racers? Keith: I see some Booty!! Arrrr Mark: Johanna, you know that I’m an artist right?
Isn’t anyone here normal?
Ah, here’s someone with a turkey leg. That makes sense. Shannon: What key has legs and can't open doors?
Um…. Shannon: A Turkey!!!! HAHAHA I’m the best, I’m the best. Now I’m going to eat my drumstick. SMACK!!!!
Down at track level… Brian K: Make sure that the camera is in speed motion mode. How do I look? Hi Mom!!
Hold on a minute, what is that glare from across the way?
Oh, its just Chris showing us the moon. Why don’t you put on some pants already? Chris: So What do you get when you put a Joe on the Rocks? Joe: Excuse me, I can’t hear you when your bent over like that? Chris: You get a Latte Phipson!!!
Boy these racers haven’t moved this entire time. Maybe snail racing wasn’t such a good idea after all.
Introducing: SigEggplant Figgy. Special Thanks to El Nickre
Well, professor...I'm back, and it's judgement day! So without further ado...the winner is...Garth! You two made the decision making process a living h3ll, I'll have you know. While I actually preferred your storyline (hilarious!) and build complexity over Garths, I felt you got just a scosh too far from the Cyborg Racer concept. I mentioned on Garth's page that if this had been a free-style category, you'd have had my vote. I'm sorry to have to give ya the axe with such a great build...cause for being a looser, this MOC has win written all over it.
Just when I thought being a judge couldn't get any tougher, I'm faced with this decision. You both have solid builds, and I couldn't give the edge either way based on that alone. It was just too close. I think Garth embodied the spirit of cyborg racing more, but you get points for thinking outside the box. However, in this case, I think you went a little too far outside, so I've decided to give Garth my vote. I guess we'll have to wait for Kelso to return to decide the outcome. By the way, your entry was hilarious.
(continued from below) Of course, you could argue that his people headed snails are not actually cyborgs at all, but as long as there is some artificial means of connecting the head and body, it technically qualifies. And in the end, when you compare the actual racers, although Garth’s was awesome and very much in keeping with cyborg racer tradition, I laughed my a$@ of at Eggy’s silly little snails, so I went with him. So there…;-)
(continued from below) Actually, according to Shannon’s Original rules (which can be found with his “Mellow Yellow” cyborg racer) the only hard and fast rule is that “the head must be protected from the harsh environment of space.” Humorous back story and the infamous “song name requirement” are encouraged, but in those original rules, are not required. And in fact, since Eggy’s entry takes place on land and not in space, he actually followed the “head protection rule” by giving all the racers headgear. (continued above)
OK people, this should stir up a little controversy, but I’m giving my vote to Professor Eggplant, and it’s not because I’m actually in the MOC (although that was funny.) After seeing both entries, and although Garth’s was excellent, my heart told me to go with Eggy’s hilarious “outside the box” effort. Now, I just had to determine if it was even an admissible entry. Chris’ MocOlympics guidelines said to follow Shannon’s Original rules for cyborg racers, and also singled out naming it after a song as one of the rules. (continued above)
Since you know what an uptight rules nazi I am, I have to scream: "DISQUALIFY HIM! HIS 'RACERS' AREN'T NAMED AFTER SONGS!" Otherwise, very entertaining and I do like the cyborg snail concept. I used to have a weird math/science teacher in junior high who would stage maggot races on the overhead projector, so that takes me back. (Bonus points for getting my sig-fig right, even if I would never tell a joke that bad.)
Wow! You guys are both awesome. I don't think I've seen backgrounds with cyborg racers before. Of course the racer build itself here was not very complex but I have got to give it to you on the concept! Way to take it into left field! I'd give you full points for originality on that one. The story smack talk was great. I knew putting myself in that outfit was a bad idea when I did it... Like I just told Garth, this is why I enlisted the judges because I wouldn't be able to make a decision on this match. Good luck! ~ Chris.
Well, the story is... interesting... Well, at least it is different. As far as the cyborg racers, I guess they count (sort of), but come on, putting heads on a wedge should not get you to round to of the MOColympics. Honestly, I expected something a bit more... racer-esk from you. Oh, well, I like the sig-fig.
Excellently brilliantly funny! Yeah, that jellyfish concept seems awfully familiar...it was probably designed by some l*ser! Great job Eggplant; this will be one tough decision for the judges! Yours brickly, Nick