Skyshark Warning Pamphlet . Providing you with yet another legitimate excuse to keep shark repellent on your person at all times. . In order to help prepare you all for the upcoming Skyshark Invasion, I have prepared this small informational pamphlet. While the threat is not yet upon us in force, it cannot be ignored.
This is a standard Skyshark. Note the beast's gaping maw. The shark teeth lining the interior of the mouth are used for ripping off large chunks of flesh.
In the event of an attack, do not aim for the eyes as with a seaborne shark. These have developed an eye casing protecting them from Human attack.
As you can see, the Skyshark tends to target one victim and pursue until that victim has either escaped or been devoured. This is incredibly fortunate, because for the most part all you have to do is outrun at least one of your group. Traveling with at least one tasty-looking and unlikeable person is advised.
Here, you can see the bystanders of a chase can relax and watch the spectacle unfold. It's quite fascinating the first few times, but the other sharks usually realize there's an enraptured meal waiting for them.
The Skyshark usually hangs two-three feet below it's balloon. The reasoning behind this is unknown.
Here, you can see this balloon has received damage. This could explain why this particular shakr is so low to the ground.
This shot was submitted by Gary of Apartment Block 32. Gary, like others, filmed the killing of the unfortunate scientists. Our fascination with their methods of killing our own is probably their greatest strength. Remember, help your neighbors, but DON'T BE A HERO. Heros are their equivalent of fast food.
In closing, this is all the field data we've gathered. The original skyshark was observed in the following experiment:
Q: Do Skysharks fear fire?
A: That is preposterous. They do not know fear.
Q: Don't they need to breathe in a watery environment?
A: No. They prefer them, but do not require them. I offer my sincer apologies to those who live in Seattle.
Q: Where'd they get the balloons?
A: The same place you do, except they have their balloon-wielding friends kill everyone first. They're at their most vulnerable when the balloon is destroyed.
Q: Why do they attack humans?
A: Some say it's because we're the easiest to catch, but it's most likely because the average human is within comfortable biting range of the typical shark. They float about 3-5ft from the ground, and most humans are within that range. They're almost as lazy as we are.
Q: How do they move? Wouldn't they just drift?
A: Who said you could ask two questions? And obviously they use their tails as a rudder, much like their seaborne counterparts.
Q: How was this data gathered?
A: Most of it was gathered by the great shark watcher, Shannon Young. He rocks.
Q: Why is that balloon so poorly built?
A: ... Shut up. I can't build spheres.