LIU Atlas - M31-P5 . There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. . LIU Atlas - M31-P5
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are visiting the Space Station M31-P5. M31-P5 sits deep in the starless void in-between two of the LIU Galaxy's spiral arms. It is one of the busiest spaceports in this region. Although that sounds impressive, you must realize that it is the only spaceport in this region."
Doog: “The docking line for the spaceport was really long, and I didn't feel like waiting. I had my crew drop me off at the back door, which led to this small service tunnel. It's dark and it smells pretty bad, but I imagine it saved me a lot of time. Now, if I can only find the way out."
Head Mechanic Jimmy: "Hey! Who's down here? Doog? Is that you? What are you doing in the sewage tunnel?"
Doog: "What do you mean 'sewage tunnel'?"
Jimmy: "Doog, all the waste from Station M31-P5 flows down here to the sewage tunnel. I can't believe you entered here, the signs clearly say 'Exit Only'."
Doog: "So what you're telling me is, I'm standing waist deep in human waste."
Jimmy: "Well, technically human and alien waste, but yes, yes you are. Let's take this ladder up and get you cleaned up."
Doog: "Well, we're out of the tunnel. Where are we now Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "Well Doog, we're now in one of M31-P5's service hangars. When small ships in the area need a tune up, they come here. We're the only full service hangar for six light years. We have about twenty hangars just like this. As Head Mechanic, I'm in charge of this entire hangar."
Doog: "Hey! Why are all your mechanics laughing at me?"
Jimmy: "It might have something to do with state of your pants. It looks like you soiled yourself. In fact, you're tracking crap all over my hangar floor."
Doog: "Ha! The joke is on you guys! This isn't my crap, it yours! So technically you guys soiled my pants. So Ha! How do you like that? Wait. Why are you laughing harder?"
Old Mechanic: "Quit laughing whipper snappers! This Canooder Valve isn't going to attach itself. Someone pass me a wrench."
Doog: "So where are we Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "We're now in a service tunnel which connects my hangar to the other hangars. I figure we'll run into Station Security Officer down here somewhere. He'll know what to do with you."
Security Bob: "Hey Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "Hey Bob. I was wondering if you can help Doog out. He's lost."
Bob: "Hmmm, from the state of his pants, I guess he escaped from the Old Folks Home down in Corridor #83. Don't...worry...sir...I'll...take...you...back...home. Am I...talking...slow...enough...for...you...to...understand...."
Jimmy: "No Bob, it's Doog, the host of LIU Atlas."
Doog: "The one and only."
Bob: "Oh! Doog! I guess I just expected you to be a bit, er.., more tidy."
Doog: "What? Oh, my pants, yeah, I've been down in the sewage tunnel."
Bob: "WHAT! That's a Class 5 violation! Who knows what diseases you brought up here! We need to get you to quarantine pronto!"
Doog: "Wait! What's quarantine?"
Doog: "Ahhhhhh! That hurts!"
Bob: "It's for your own good Doog. Well, actually, it's for our good. Diseases spread like wildfire in space stations. We can never be too careful. Quarantine Specialist Jenkins, feel free to use your double sided brush to scrub off a couple layers of skin, just to be safe."
Doog: "Whew, I hope I never have to do that again. So, Bob what's this place?"
Bob: "Oh, you don't need to worry about that place. That's the Mechanic's Dive Bar. The crowd there is much too rowdy for you. I have gun, and I won't even go in there."
Jimmy: I'm a mechanic, I don't go in there Doog. It's pretty unsavory."
Doog: "Sounds like my kind of bar. Besides, I could use a drink after that quarantine session."
Bob: "No! Wait Doog!"
Doog: "So what's going on guys? Any drink recommendations?"
Mechanic Krudar: "Hai coor hata mei."
Mechanic Steve: "My friend here says he doesn't like you."
Doog: "Oh yeah, well tell your friend I don't like him or his ugly head tentacles."
Doog: "Eww! Bob! This orange tentacle head guy just threw up on me!"
Bob: "What! Who knows what diseases are in that vomit!?! Back to the quarantine!"
Doog: "Hey! What?"
Doog: "Ahhhhh! Oh wait, go back down there, that was kind of nice. Ahhhhh!"
Doog: "Alright. Alright. I'm never getting dirty again. Where are we now?"
Jimmy: "Well, Space Station M31-P5 also houses several hangars for our fleet of LIU Deep Space Repair Ships. They are sent out to repair any ships that can't make it to the Space Station."
Doog: "That hangar looks pretty neat, but I think I see a particle of dirt down there. It might be infected and I don't want a forced shower again. That's already my record for showers in a week."
Bob: "Now you learning Doog!"
Doog: "What's next?"
Bob: "Although the lower half of Station M31-P5 is devoted to mechanics, it's not all we do here."
Bob: "Space Station M31-P5 is also home to one of the LIU's immigration checkpoints. Thousands of immigrants from across the universe come here everyday for a chance to slave, I mean work, in one of the LIU's factories. They work really hard for almost no pay, just like the native LIU workers."
Bob: "While the LIU accepts almost anyone willing to work, some races, like the Gungans, are banned from entering the LIU."
Doog: "You have to draw the line somewhere Bob."
Bob: "We inspect all the immigrants' luggage upon arrival. This prevents smuggling. If you look over here, you'll see that our X-Ray Machine has located an illegal firearm."
Bob: "Doog! Get off there! What are you doing?"
Doog: "Look at me, I'm a skeleton! Hahaha!"
Bob: " Doog! X-ray radiation is dirty."
Doog: No wait, you can't wash off radiation!"
Bob: "We are now here in the core of Space Station M31-P5. Here, you'll see the station's Fusion Star Chamber. Using advanced magnetic shielding, we are able to maintain a small compressed star. The star provides all the station's power and gravity. According to LIU Astronomical Law, the star is too small to have a name, so it is referred to by its location in the galaxy, M31-P5. The station takes its name from the star."
Bob: "Uh, Doog, I don't like you getting so close to the control panel."
Doog: "Oh, don't worry Bob, I just looking at this button that says 'Magnetic Shielding Emergency Shut Off'. I was think of pressing it to see what it does."
Bob: "Step away from the control panel Doog. Don't think I won't shoot you."
Bob: "Well Jimmy, you know the drill, no non-essential personnel is allowed past this point. You know I love ya buddy, but one more step and I'm going to have to shoot you in the face. No hard feelings."
Jimmy: "No prob Bob. Say, are we still on for Bingo at the old folks home in corridor #83 later this week?"
Bob: "You know it! Alright Doog, we are getting ready to enter the upper ring of Station M31-P5. This upper ring holds M31-P5's largest industry, the Baby Factory."
Doog: "Baby Factory?"
Bob: "Yes Doog. The factory uses genetically modified females, known as 'Queens', to mass produce babies. Each 'Queen' can give birth to up to fifty babies. It's the fastest way to populate the worker class of the LIU."
Doog: "That is...the most...awesome thing I've ever seen! Can I touch it?"
Bob: "No Doog. The Queen's bodies are under enough stress as it is. They don't need you prodding them. They require constant care from their personal doctors. The doctors insure the Queens get enough nutrition by hooking them to IV's and injecting them with vitamins."
Bob: "I'm certainly no expert in this field Doog. I'll turn you over Doctor Alvus, Director of the Baby Factory."
Alvus: "Hello Doog."
Doog: "Where are we now Dr. Alvus?"
Alvus: "We're now in the Grow Tank Chamber. To speed up production, the babies are removed from the Queens before they are fully developed. We keep them in Grow Tanks, like these, until they can survive on their own."
Doog: "Wow, there are babies as far as the eye can see. How many babies do you guys produce?"
Alvus: "Well, let's see. We have about twenty thousand Queens. Each Queen gives birth to about fifty babies every four months, so I'd say that we have about one million babies at any given time."
Doog: "That sounds cool and all Doctor, I mean everyone loves babies, but I have to ask you, why are you mass producing infants?"
Alvus: “That’s easy Doog. The LIU and other corporations across the universe always need more workers. Immigrants fill part of their need, but they need a reliable, continuous source of labor."
Doog: "Why don't you use cloning? It seems easier, faster, and well, to be frank, more humane."
Alvus: "You're right in some ways Doog, but cloning is dangerous. All your clones share the same genetic make-up. If one of them is susceptible to a certain virus, they all are. You can lose your entire crop, uh, I mean population of workers from one little virus. Genetic diversity is the way to go."
Doog: "So all of these babies are future LIU workers?"
Alvus: "Most are, but we do sell some of them to other corporations. I mean, we have to make a profit Doog. You are, however, forgetting one thing. These are not only future workers, they are future consumers. The little money they earn will filter back to the LIU as they purchase our quality products."
Doog: "I have one more question Doctor, do you guys, you know, need any genetic contributions, you know, for the Queens?"
Alvus: "I think we're good Doog. When we start mass producing idiotic TV hosts, we'll give you a call.
Doog: "Ouch Doc, that hurts."
Alvus: "Once fully grown, the babies are shipped out across the universe. Comfy nursery containers are used to ship the babies out. They are distributed by LIU Future Labor (FL)."
Doog: "Well folks, as you can see, M31-P5 is a disturbing, but important part of the LIU. Join us next time. Thanks for watching."
Note: The LIU recommends that you let the babies age about ten years before they are incorporated into your workforce, maybe longer, depending on your local laws.