LIU Atlas - Lacunar Urbs A . There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas. . LIU Atlas - Lacunar Urbs A
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Doog: "Welcome to another episode of LIU Atlas. I'm your host, Terrance "Doog" McDoogal. Today, we are here in the Lacunar System, which consists of the planet, Lacunar A, and its moon, Lacunar B. Lacunar B is tidally locked to its parent planet allowing a large space elevator to be built between the two bodies. The two bodies now share an amazing symbiotic relationship."
Doog: "Because there are so many amazing things to see on both Lacunar A and B, we've broke this episode into two parts. Today, we will be focusing on Lacunar A."
Doog: "Lacunar A has extremely rich soil and a temperate climate. Because of this, most of the planet, outside of the northern continent, is devoted to farmland. Most of the fields, like this one here, are specifically devoted to growing Cobang plants. These fibrous plants make great animal feed. The Cobang plants are harvested, loaded onto trains, and then shipped into the city."
Doog: "Luckily, we are not here to see Lacunar A's farms. They're boring. We're here to see the planet's northern continent which is home to the magnificent city of Lacunar Urbs."
Doog: "With of a population of nearly fifteen billion people, Lacunar Urbs is one of the most populated cities in the LIU. However, there is something even more amazing than its population that separates it from other cities. Lacunar Urbs is the only city in the LIU that exists on multiple planetary bodies. That's right. The sprawling city sits at both ends of the Lacunar System's space elevator."
Doog: "The city is so large and geographically diverse that it was assigned two mayors. Joining me for this episode is the Mayor of Lacunar Urbs A, Peter Baits. It's a pleasure to join you Pete. Can I call you that?"
Mayor: "No, you can't. I'm an elite citizen. You can call me Sir, Master, or Mayor."
Doog: "Uh, sorry Mayor Master Baits..."
Mayor: "No! Don't say my last name with it! It sounds like...well just drop it! Call me Mayor."
Doog: "Of course Mayor. Anyway, where are we now?"
Mayor: "This here is one of the more famous and recognizable areas of the city, Corruption Square."
Doog: "Corruption Square?"
Mayor: "Yes. You see, Lacunar Urbs has become sort of a safe haven for questionable companies around the universe. Our lax business laws and low taxes have caused several of these companies to relocate here. This has really fueled our city's growth."
Doog: "I see."
Mayor: "At the convergence of the Corruption Square, we have the local LIU Business Headquarters. No explanation needed there."
Mayor: "On this side of the square you'll recognize the universally famous, Mobster's Pizza."
Doog: "Oh yeah! The originators of Kaadu Sausage Pizza."
Mayor: "The one and only. However, it was eventually discovered that Mobster's Pizza is a front for mob activity. Go figure. The pizza chain was pushed out of most of the universe, but it still thrives here. Next door is the 'Wet!' hover-carwash company. It was beloved in its earlier days, as it had the only wash bay that a hovercraft could fly through. Unfortunately, it failed pretty quickly when people walking below the wash bay complained of getting soaked."
Doog: "What do we have here?"
Mayor: "Well, to the right, we have the corporate headquarters for Honest Bob's Warehousing. Apparently, Bob wasn't as honest as everyone thought. They relocated their headquarters here to avoid prosecution. To its left, we have the restaurant Sluglicious."
Doog: "Don't tell me you people eat slugs..."
Mayor: "I don't, but many people do. People say fried Slug on the Stick is delicious, but quite addictive. It might have something to do with the dopamine-like chemicals found in the slugs' mucus. By the way, this slug mucus is illegal in nearly every other galaxy. Wait! Doog are you eating one?!?"
Doog: "Mmmm...let me get a few more for the road."
Mayor: "No you idiot, weren't you listening!"
Doog: "Yeah, yeah, Mobster's Pizza, blah, blah, blah."
Mayor: "Come on!"
Mayor: "This company here, Asteroid Bank, is owned by the LIU. Asteroid Bank invests its customers' checking and savings into high risk Asteroid Insurance Markets. The bank keeps 99% of profits made, but all the losses go to the banking customers."
Doog: "Wait a minute! That's my bank! The LIU direct deposits my check into Asteroid Bank!"
Mayor: "The LIU direct deposits most of its employees checks into Asteroid Bank, Doog."
Doog: "What! I have -$4000.00 dollars in my account!"
Mayor: "Oooh. Ouch. You must have had a few bad investments."
Doog: "Well, I recognize this place. It's LIU's Gungan Theatre."
Mayor: "That's right. This theatre has been home to many famous events, including the 2010 Mocie Awards."
Doog: "It's been over month. Why hasn't the sign been changed?"
Mayor: "You should see the inside Doog. These weirdoes tore the place to shreds. Its temporarily closed for repairs."
Mayor: "Famous LIU actors and personalities get engraved plates embedded into the sidewalk."
Doog: "Oh really? Where's mine?"
Mayor: "Ahahahaha. Hahahaha. Wow, with jokes like that, you'll get a comedy plate one of these days."
Doog: "Whatever. Let's move on."
Mayor: "This plaza here is known as Butcher's Corner. This corner holds three of the LIU's largest meat related companies. To the left, we have Pork United, the third largest pork producing company in the universe. Tucked in the corner is Kaadu Burger Inc., the only company in the universe that makes Kaadu Burgers. Both Pork United and Kaadu Burger Inc. have huge factories in Lacunar Urbs B. The tan building to right is the Meat Market Trading Company. The MMTC specializes in trading meat commodities."
Doog: "Wow. It looks like pork is really trading down, but Kaadu is skyrocketing. Why can't my paycheck be direct deposited into the Kaadu Market!"
Doog: "Wait. I just got it! It's called Butcher's Corner because of all the meat companies."
Mayor: "Actually, that's just a coincidence. Fifty Gungans were killed here a few years back by some maniac with an axe and knife. The corner was renamed in his honor and a statue was built in his likeness."
Mayor: "Lacunar Urbs has a intricate system of transportation. Hundreds of tram cars, like these here, run all throughout the city. Their use is free of charge for any LIU citizen."
Doog: "Ha. Who's the comedian now? Nothing in the LIU is free."
Mayor: "No really. We tried charging for rides, but people couldn't afford to get to work. We were losing productivity, and therefore money, by charging fees. Besides, we had to cut down on hovercar traffic. It was getting dangerous."
Mayor: "As you can see on this map behind me, all the city's trams lead to Space Elevator Stations like this."
Doog: "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Just a second Mayor. We can't go straight to this shot. Where's the big overall shot?"
Doog: "Ah. This is better. Where are we now Mayor?"
Mayor: "Like I was trying to say before, all the trams lead to Space Elevator Stations like this."
Mayor: "Here, you can catch another route back into the city or take the elevator cars to Lacunar Urbs B."
Mayor: "Like the trams, the elevators are free for all LIU citizens. Scanners at the entrance confirm citizenship by scanning your Citizen Identification/Tracking Implant Chip. As you can see..."
Mayor: "Are you listening to me? You're not even looking over here."
Doog: "Nope. Not listening. Babe alert at your nine o'clock."
Mayor: "What? Oh. I see. Nice one Doog."
Mayor: "Once up the stairs, you can easily see the Elevator Cars. Cars depart and arrive this station about every minute. The trip to Lacunar Urbs B takes approximately twelve minutes."
Doog: "Well Master...I mean Mayor Baits, it's been a pleasure. Thanks for showing some of the sights in your part of the city."
Mayor: "The pleasure was all yours. Trust me."
Doog: "I'm now riding the Space Elevator up to Lacunar Urbs B. As you can see to the right, people aren't the only things being transported. Resources from the southern continents, like animal feed, are also being transported up. Well folks, that's all for this time. Join us soon for the second part of this episode, Lacunar Urbs B."
Note: Try the new Cocaine Sauce with your fried Slug on a Stick.
Note2: To shorten the show, several shots (especially of Corruption Square) were left on the cutting room floor. As an extra bonus, here's a few.