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The Adventures of Clone Comandir Awsum! . . Clone Comandir Awsum has gathered his clone class to teach them about the dangers of... time travel. Let's look in shall we? Clone: “O mi gawd! Itz relly him! itz clone comandir amsum!” Clone Comandir awsum: “Good morning everyone. Welcome to Temporal Theory 101. And please… call me Josh.” CCA: “A lot of you have been asking why we didn’t just use our time travel technology to go back in time and stop the Seperatists before the war ever started… we’ll, we’re going to answer that question here today.” CCA: “Allow me to introduce the head of temporal research here, Professor Bugeye.” Professor Bugeye: “Welcome to the facility everyone. Let’s begin today’s lesson with a little tour of the facility shall we?” Bugeye: “This is our safety area. These technicians monitor the seismic activity that is generated when a temporal shift occurs to help reduce the risk of potential catastrophe.” Clone: “Wat did he sa?” Bugeye: “They make sure the place doesn’t fall down around us.” Clone: “Got it.” Bugeye: “These are our technicians, Steve and Matt… Matt keeps trying to tell us that his hair is natural.” Matt: “It IS natural! You’re just jealous!” Bugeye: “Uhuh… sure. Moving on.” Bugeye: “Here’s our main terminal. From here we set all temporal destinations and track the travelers progress.” CCA: “Hey, that guy on the end looks familiar… is that…” Bugeye: “No, no it’s not.” Bugeye: “Down here on the lower level is where the main concentration of focusing crystals are. The energy is directed up through the platform above us to the target who is then transported through time to the destination of our choosing.” Bugeye: “These are our crystal techs, John and James.” John: “Don’t let my appearance scare you. We used to be human but the radiation from the proximity of these crystals turned us in to this…” Bugeye: “Oh he’s such a kidder… let’s head back up to the platform to meet our vict… I mean, volunteer. The test is about to start.” Bugeye: “Being as this is our first test with this machine, we decided to pick a traveler who… well… let’s just say his “next of kin” list was short.” Technician Withers: “Are ya sure ya don’t want to be using a lab rat with a wrist watch for this here test?” Bugeye: “Are you kidding? Why would we waste a perfectly good lab rat for something like this? Are you ready son?” Jar Jar Binks: “Mesa ready to doin mesin part!” Voice over PA: “Here we go everyone in 5… 4… 3… 2… “ Voice over PA: “1.” Bugeye: “We only sent Jar Jar 5 seconds in to the future so our results should be available any… second…” Bugeye: “Now.” Bugeye: “Wait a second… where is he? He should have materialized on the plateform by now? I don’t…” (Imperial March ring tone plays) Bugeye: “One second… let me get this.” Bugeye: “Hello? Jar Jar? Wait… where are you? Cleveland? How the hello kitty did you get to Cleveland?” CCA: “And that class, is the first problem with time travel. Sure, the device could send you through time, but without proper modifications and precautions, it won’t transport you through space. The world you’re standing on is constantly in motion so while Jar Jar was sent 5 seconds into the future without a problem, the planet continued to move under him. Luckily we only sent him 5 seconds into the future. Had we sent him a day or more, he’d be floating out in space right now. Ok, we’ll let the “smart people” figure out where they went wrong here and call it a day. We’ll continue this lesson when they have this issue figured out.” 6 weeks later… Clone 1: “hay, Y R we bak here agan?” Clone 2: “I thnk tha fond ot watz wrung wit ths thng and fxd it.” Bugeye: “Ok everyone. The spatial anomaly issue was resolved. Now the device will track the victim… Jar Jar, through space as well as time. We weren’t able to adjust the machine to keep him moving with the planets movement, but we were able to place a tracking device on him so that whenever he appears, the machine will automatically transport him back to this spot in space.” Jar Jar: “No again. Thisin nutsin!” Bugeye: “Jar jar, we’ve already been through this. We know the device works now and we have successfully sent you through time up to 15 seconds in the future without issue many times. Now, we’re going to start the tests for sending you back in time.” Jar Jar: “Ok, thisin gonna get messy…” Voice over PA: “3, 2, 1… go.” Jar Jar: “MESA DID IT!” CCA: “Did what Jar Jar? What did you do?” Jar Jar: “Yous guys don’ten know? Yousa sent mesa back in the timin sos I coulda stop thisin time machine from bein made! Mesa do it… wait… Mesa no remember what mesa talkin about? Why does mesa head hurtin so much?” CCA: “It’s ok Jar Jar. We believe you. Maybe you should go get some rest.” Jar Jar: “Okeyday. Mesa go getting some nap naps.” CCA: “Ok class. Can anyone tell me what just happened?” Clone 1: “Failbot 3000!!eleveneleven!!11” CCA: “Not exactly. The test was a complete success and proved the point that I was talking about weeks ago in class as to WHY we don’t use this technology to go back in time and stop the war before it ever starts. Here… let me explain…” CCA: “Jar Jar’s mission was to go back in time and stop the time machine from being created. Now, from his point of view that’s what he did. Although I’m not sure HOW he managed to do it, according to him, he stopped the machine from being created. However, here’s where we run in to our old friend “paradox.” He traveled back in time and stopped the time machine from being built. Now, since the time machine was never built, he was never sent back in time to stop it from being built. So, without him being sent back to stop it, it was built and hence, we have our little temporal paradox that we just had where to us… nothing happened.” CCA: “You all noticed that Jar Jar forgot what he was talking about a few seconds after he got back? That’s because even though the events happened, they never actually did. It merely took a few seconds for the timeline to work itself out. While time travel to the future is possible, travel to the past, is not.” Clone 1: “Ok, so if trvel 2 he futre is posibel, kan we go their now? itz taco nit!” CCA: “Sure… why not. Everyone in 5, 4, 3, 2, …1” Fourth Wall Commentary: If you read all of that… I’m surprised you’re still in the mood to read. I’ll keep this brief. Basically, I picked up a PAB cup full of those 1x2 trans green bricks a few weeks back and have been looking for something to build with them since then. I came up with the design for the platform and the story just kind of formed around it. Why is time travel to the past not possible? Then I just found a setting to put it in (hadn’t done a star wars moc in a while) and the result is what you’ve just been subjected to. Of course, this is an over simplified version of the theory but it gets the story told. I may continue with the adventures of Clone Comandir Awsum in the future but I’d have to come up with some good plot devices for him. His origin and why he doesn’t “speak” like the other clones will be reveled in the future… if I bother continuing his story. Till next time true believers! ~Chris. Edit: And since Jeff found the AFOL brick, here's a shot of it without the computers "hiding" it.


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