LIU Atlas - Iaceo . There are billions of stars, millions of planets, but there is only one man, Terrance McDoogal. Welcome to LIU Atlas.
. LIU Atlas - Iaceo
The Ludgonian Industrial Union's galaxy contains billions of stars and billions of planets. Unfortunately, most residents of the LIU could only name a handful of these worlds. In order to improve astronomy grades across the LIU, TV2 has started a new program called LIU Atlas. Follow our host, Terrance McDoogal, as he takes you on a tour across the LIU and some of its more obscure worlds.
Note: This episode is presented in full screen. The corresponding dialogue is underneath each photo.
Onboard Doog's ship, the Magellan:
Computer: "Warning! Warning! Gravitational field detected. Warning! Warning! Gravitational field detected."
Doog: "What the heck! Who's making all this racket? Can't a universally famous TV Host get some sleep around here. Computer, turn on the lights. I'm going to get to the bottom of this!"
Doog: "Mike, my ever faithful audio man, what's going on here?"
Mike: "Do you sleep with your microphone?"
Doog: "What? Huh? Oh this...uh...it was just...uh, next to my bed. Yeah. That's it. Now, what's going on?!?"
Mike: "Doog, it appears we came out of hyperspace too close to a gravitational field. From the size of it, I'm guessing we nearly hit a planet."
Doog: "Look Mike, I know your primary job is audio, but I've also assigned you the responsibility of navigation. How could you let this happen?"
Mike: "I don't understand Doog. According to our star charts, there's no planets even close to here. Computer, why isn't this planet on our charts?"
Computer: "Standby. Conducting search for these coordinates. Results are as follows. It appears we have rediscovered the planet Iaceo. Iaceo was removed from all star charts approximately ten years ago. Iaceo's status is listed as restricted. I recommend we avoid the planet at all costs."
Doog: "Yes of course. I agree. Timbo, my editor, go tell Hugo, our pilot, to fire up the engines. We're leaving this place."
Timbo: "Uh, s-s-sir, I've already checked on Hugo. It appears he ejected the Magellan's cockpit when the alarms sounded. He's left us to die in a fiery ball of doom!"
Doog: "Dang it! I knew I never liked that feature! So what do we do?"
Computer: "Prepare for impact in 10...9...8...7...6...5...4..."
Doog: "Well viewers, it looks like this is the end. It was nice knowing you. Ahhhhh!"
Doog: "Holy Kaadu! I nearly swallowed my microphone, but I think we survived!"
Crew: "Yah! Woo-hoo!"
Doog: "Alright boys, let's get out of this junker and do a head count."
Doog: "Alright folks, it looks like everyone survived. We have Mike, the audio guy, Oldie, our director, Timbo, the editor, and Cam, our camera guy. The only damage to the crew I see is the damage to Oldie's pajamas, but honestly, who cares?"
Oldie: "Sniff. Sniff. They were my favorite..."
Doog: "Be quiet old man, we don't have time to cry, yet. This ship could blow up any minute, so we've elected to leave the crash site. Even though it was Mike's navigational failure that caused this mess, we've decided to let him lead our group."
Doog: "Mike, are you sure we should be getting in the water? It's covered in some kind of pond scum."
Mike: "Of course I'm sure! Pond scum means this water is friendly to life. That's a good thing. It also means the water is nearly stagnant, which I also believe is pretty good. Though I could be getting it backward."
Doog: "Well, that logic sounds good to me. Here we go. Eww, the water is pretty warm."
Oldie: "Actually Doog, that may have been me. Sorry."
Doog: "I knew this was a bad idea."
Mike: "See Doog. I made it. It wasn't that bad."
Doog: "Uh...Mike, you have a giant leech on your hand!"
Crew: "Ahhh! Leeches!"
Oldie: "Ahhh! I have one on my leg!"
Doog: "It appears they only attach to bare skin. I think I'm leech free. Cam, are you coming?"
Cam: "Bare skin you say? Uh, I think I'm just going to stay here and risk the explosion. You guys go on without me."
Doog: "Alright folks, our merry group is now down to four. Mike, where are we headed?"
Mike: "Well Doog, Hugo ejected the cockpit too close to the planet. There's no way he had enough thrust to escape Iaceo's gravity. He probably landed somewhere east of here. I'm thinking the first thing we do is pay Hugo a little visit."
Doog: "Agreed. Revenge definitely trumps getting rescued."
Mike: "Alright guys, I think this looks like a good place to cross."
Doog: "We just got attacked by leeches crossing this scum. Why are we crossing back?"
Mike: "Well, if we're going east, we have to cross. Besides, we can use this log."
Mike: "Ahoy! I've made it. Look at me guys. I could see myself getting my own show after this. Space Survivor with Mike the audio-man. Yeah, that has a nice ring to it."
Mike: "Come on babies! It's safe."
Doog: "Uh...Mike, we've talked it over and were not crossing. There's a mosquito over there."
Mike: "A mosquito! One measly mosquito and you guys are giving up? We've survived a crash, battled leeches, hiked the wilderness, and you're going to let one mosquito get in the way?"
Doog: "Well Mike, mosquitoes carry diseases."
Mike: "I thought you'd be the last one complaining about diseases Doog. I've seen some of the chicks you hang out with. Now come on!"
Doog: "D-d-did we mention the mosquito is the size of a small car?"
Mike: "What! Ahhh!"
Doog: "Oh man! It sucked almost all of his blood. He's turned into a fleshie!"
Doog: "Alright guys, I'm taking over this expedition. With my first act as leader, I declare Operation Run in effect!"
Oldie: "We should go help him!"
Doog: "Yes, yes, you should go help him. The mosquito might not want your old blood. We'll meet up with you later."
Oldie: "Actually, I'm starting to like Operation Run!"
Doog: "Alright folks, we have good news and bad news. The bad news, this wall is hampering our escape. The good news, this wall appears to have been built by the LIU. That means this planet could be inhabited. We've talked it over, and we've decided to climb the wall."
Doog: "With muscles like these, I easily scaled this wall in forty five minutes flat. Oldie appears to be struggling a bit more. Come on you old bag of bones! Get a move on!"
Oldie: "I don't think I can do it Doog. I'm losing my grip! Ahhh!"
Oldie: "Ahh! My feet are stuck! Go on without me guys. I'll fend of the leeches the best I can."
Doog: "Well, it's just me and you now, Timbo."
Doog: "What's the deal Timbo? You haven't said a word since we landed."
Timbo: "Sorry Sir, it's just that you told me if I ever talked to you while you were filming again, you'd fire me."
Doog: "Ha! That was a test. You're fired!"
Timbo: "You know what Doog, you're such a diva. You can take this job and shove it. I'm going back and trying to save Oldie. You're on your own."
Doog: "Well folks, I've been walking alone for nearly an hour, and I've finally found my first sign of civilization. It appears to be some sort of bunker."
Doog: "I'm not quite sure what it is, but it has some strange orb floating above it."
Doog: "I feel drawn to the orb. It's energy is making me feel more alive than I ever have, well except for that time I went to the brothel on Camana 5."
Doog: "What is it?"
Alien: "It's a life sphere."
Doog: "Ahhh! Where did you come from? What are you? What big teeth you have. Don't eat me."
Alien: "Settle down little one. I don't plan to eat you yet. I wish to teach you about the life sphere."
Doog: "Did I catch a 'yet' in there?"
Alien: "Come inside the facility Doog. The life sphere awaits."
Doog: "Wow...uh...I like what you did to the place. Is this Martha Stewart?"
Alien: "This is the LIU Life Science Laboratory. Scientists here attempted to create a sentient species from the abundance of primitive creatures here. You see, this planet has had primitive life for billions of years, but none of the species ever took the final leap to sentience."
Doog: "Ah, I do see. Well, thanks for the tour. I'll see you later."
Alien: "Not yet my friend. The LIU created the life sphere to speed up the evolutionary process. The sphere bathed the primitive creatures in a classified 'life energy'."
Alien: "The dominant species of this planet, seen here in this hologram, was bathed in life energy. Many years later, it gave birth to the greatest being this universe has ever seen, myself."
Doog: "Cool. Well, see you later."
Alien: "Haha. Not yet my friend. I'm not finished. You see, the scientists marveled at their new sentient creation, but all of them were fooled. It appears I kept the bloodlust that drove my fathers, and slowly, I fed on all of them. However, it appears I had one evolutionary advantage that even surprised myself. With each feeding, I inherited my victims own life energy, and with it, their knowledge. After feeding on all the scientist, I had consumed almost all the knowledge the LIU has ever collected. I am the ultimate being."
Alien: "Of course, there is much more information out there, but I've been trapped here all these years. That is, until you fools crashed here. I've reassembled your ship, and I now plan to explore the universe, learning all there is to know. Once I have consumed all available information, I will rule this universe."
Doog: "Yeah. Good luck with that. Hey, if you fixed my ship, you must have found Hugo. Where is he? I'd like to give him a nice face punch."
Alien: "Hugo is fine, as is the rest of your crew. I've saved them all, and then fed on their blood."
Doog: "You saved them just to kill them?"
Alien: "There was no killing. After the scientists, I refined my methods. I only need a taste to learn all you have to offer. You my friend, will be my final feeding before I depart this prison."
Doog: "Ahhh! Can't you grab me another way, this looks awkward!"
Alien: "Stop struggling friend. I must consume your knowledge. Think of all the planets you've seen, the information you collected, the technology you discovered..."
Alien: "Yuck! You taste different from the rest. You taste...bland. Wait! What's happening? What's a Kaadu burger? E=mc3? No that's not right. What have you done! What have I tasted?!?"
Doog: "That, my friend, is the good old taste of ignorance. And, for once, I'm not ashamed of it."
Alien: "No! I'm losing control of my bodily functions! I have the sudden urge to watch TV! What is a book? I was going to rule it all...rule it...rule..."
Doog: "Wow, I think I killed the poor guy. Well folks, my ship is fixed, my crew is back together, and I think we can depart. Iaceo, not such a great place, but fun in its own way. It's not everyday that you can cause an evil sentient race to become extinct. Perhaps I saved the universe, or maybe, I killed our savior. Oh well, see ya later!"
Note: Although the events of the crash were filmed and turned into an Atlas Episode, none of the crew will be paid because they were not on official assignment. Furthermore, each crew member has been docked a weeks pay for their unscheduled vacation.
Note2: If you're interested, LIU Atlas- Vastitas, LIU Atlas- Boletus, LIU Atlas- Fuscus have been fully remastered. They are now available in full screen with labeled dialogue. Eventually, all the older LIU Atlas episodes will be remastered.