The 2012 MOCie Awards! . .
Heath Flor: “Hey Mark, do you know why we’re here? I got this email
from Phipson for us to meet him here today.”
Kelso: “Not a clue, but I have my suspicions.”
Heath: “You don’t think…? No, he wouldn’t have.”
Announcer over P.A. system: “Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls,
children of all ages!”
Heath: “Oh dear god in heaven, he did.”
Announcer: “Welcome to the Snugglemuffin Elementary School Gymnasium’s
presentation of the 5th Annual MOCie Awards! Here’s your host for this
evening’s event, Chris Phipson!”
Heath: “Phipson! You cheap son of a…”
Mark: “Boy, this should be good.”
Chris: “Hello everyone and welcome to the 2012 MOCie Awards! The annual MOCpages event where your votes decide the best of the best of the past year. First, I'd like to thank Mr. Candyvan's 4th grade shop class for building this stage! Of course being 4th graders they're not allowed to use power tools or nails but I think the paste should hold
up till at least the end. Now then, let's get this dog and pony show started shall we?"
Chris: "Ummm, Rainbow Dash? What are you doing here with a puppy?"
Rainbow: "Well, you said it was time to get the dog and pony show started so here we are!"
Chris: "That's... not exactly what I meant. And couldn't you have at least done your hair? Lookin' a little ratty there."
Rainbow: "What do you want? I'm owned by a five year old!"
Rainbow: "Whatever, this awards show is now 20% cooler because I was here. Carry on."
Chris: "Okay then..."
Chris: “There’s a lot to get to tonight so we’ll start off quickly
with the awards for the winners who were not able to join us for the
show. First up, is the award for best Bionicle.
The nominees are: Mr. Kitty by Mike Nieves,
Aurelius, Centurion of Rapa-Nui by Kyle Peckham,
Zethlin, King of the Apocalypse by Ben Cossy,
Iron Man by Nick V,
and Gringat, Hawklord by Gringat the Repugnant.
And the winner is Mr. Kitty by Mike Nieves! Congratulations Mike! Mike is unable to join us tonight due to not being allowed within 500 feet of a school zone and… I’ve said too much, moving on.”
Chris: “Next up is the Best Town Creation.
The nominees are: World Financial Center, New York City by Rocco Buttliere,
MOColympics Round 1: Hurricane Irene by Blake Baer,
Kitchen by Paula G,
Floating Luxury by The Legohaulic,
Smolny Cathedral by Heath 'kik36' Flor,
and Victorian on Mud Heap by Mike Doyle.
And the MOCie goes to Victorian on Mud Heap by Mike Doyle. Mike… not the one from the last award, but this one… who is also named Mike and… sheesh, never mind. Mr. Doyle was unable to attend tonight due to an unexpected case of explosive diarrhea. We told him not to eat out of the Nacho Midget’s hat but he just wouldn’t listen. Talk about making a run for the border there.“
Nacho Midget: "Hola!"
Chris: “Our next category is for best Castle.
Your nominees are: Saint Rafael's Monastery by Glory Forever,
Tahnakai Falls by Brian Corredor,
The Warlock's Tower by Ru Corder,
Avalonia Durnovaria by Luke Watkins,
and The Weather Outside is Frightful... by Stormbringer.
And the best Castle MOCie goes to Saint Rafael's Monastery by Glory Forever!
Chris: "Glory missed his flight due to the TSA agents not letting him on the plane with one of these. And just remember I have one of these stuffed in my pants everytime you people don't laugh at my jokes!“
Heath: "And that's about ALL you have stuffed in there!"
Chris: "Shut it pirate boy!"
Chris: "Our next award goes to the best on-going theme or series.
The nominees are: Rise of the Mage by A P,
British Bird Series by DeTomaso Pantera,
The GAIA Saga... by Parrington Levens,
The Hobbit by Michael Kringe
and Moodland Scale Figs by MDSWIM !
And the MOCie goes to... Rise of the Mage by A P!
A P Apologizes for not being able to be here but sent an email. I didn't bring it with me but it was something to the effect of refusing to be part of this amateur hour production and not gracing us with his presence until we moved back into the DarkSpawn Memorial Gardens... blah blah blah. Anyway, congrats A P!"
Chris: “Our next MOCie is for the Best Real Vehicle.
Your nominees are: Porsche 935/76 Turbo by Malte Dorowski,
GT40 Mk1 Lightweight (Alan Mann Racing) by MortalSwordsman,
Optimus Prime by Bricksonwheels MOC, Volvo V50, 2006 by Rolands Kirpis,
MGB Roadster by Nick Barrett
and Team Lotus JPS Transporter by DeTomaso Pantera.
And the winner is, Porsche 935/76 Turbo by Malte Dorowski! Come on up here Malte!”
(Written by Malte Dorowski)
Malte: “mhmm hm mmhm mmahmh mmhmmhm hamm mmmhmmm m. mahhm mhmm hm
mmhm mmahmh mmhmmhm hamm mmmhmmm m..."
(Still written by Malte)
Malte: "Aarrr sorry.
well, a few words to the other nominees in this category... "A garage
without a Porsche 911 is simply a bleak and empty hole"! I would like
to thank the ravishingly beautiful Cheese-Slopes, Rigid-Hose, Plate
1x1, Thin-Technic-Liftarm and especially Modified-Plate with Clips.
Wow! couldn't have done it without you guys! Thank you!”
Chris: “Thanks Malte. Now then the nominess for Best Sci Fi. And they are: BATTLESTAR BERZERK by Garry King, Star Wars Relativity V2 by Paul Vermeesch, G.A.I.A. – HMS 'Relentless
Fire' by Jon B, Seterra by Thomas Hass and Superman & Young Justice vs. Brainiac by Mr. Xenomurphy. And your winner for best Sci Fi is… Star Wars Relativity V2 by Paul Vermeesch!
(Not written by Paul)
Paul: "I just wanted to say thanks to the MOCpages community for this
award and thanks to Chris for the donut!"
Chris: "You're welcome Paul. And that brings us to our 2012 MOCie Awards half time show! First up for this evening's entertainment... Chewbacca and the Juggling Jabba's!"
Chris: "Well... that's not what I was excepting at all when I booked that act. Next up, back by popular demand... and with a little twist... Ladies and Gentlemen, the HALO Kiddies Boy Band!"
HALO Kiddie Chief: "Wow Mr. Phipson, itz such a honor 2 B back!!!ELEVEN!! But umm, whatz the shark tank 4?"
Chris: "Glad you asked Chief. Get em boys!"
HALO Kiddie: "OH deer god! Wez 2 yung 2 die!!!"
Chris: "Don't worry guys, it'll all be over soon."
Chris: "Wow that shark looks hungry. Good thing we didn't feed it for a week before this. Just look at it tear through that flesh."
Chris: "Remember kids, stay in school!"
Chris: "And now, it is with deepest regret that I present to you... the comic stylings of Stu Delahay... May the Lord have mercy upon our souls..."
**All stand up written by Stu Delahay. Please forward all hate mail directly to him**
Stu: "Thanks Chris, I’ll see you at the secret clubhouse later for those side bets on tonight’s proceedings.
I’m not kidding – I stand to collect $100 in assorted bricks tonight because I have a cheat-sheet on TFOL of the year."
Stu: "Anyway, I should start with an apology.
I won’t, but I should.
You see Chris graciously held up these proceedings and the announcing of the winners for a while to give me a chance to write something for the ceremony tonight.
Unfortunately for him (and you) I’m winging it anyway."
Stu: "Seriously, real life has been a bit rough these last few weeks and I said to Chris “Look, I’m sorry mate. Right now I just don’t feel funny”. He said “You feel funny to me. Kind of sweaty and squishy”. Remind me to change my locks.
It’s been a hard time though. Serious illness in my family, pressures at work, unexpected trouble with my car. Then finally, the day before my vacation, to really kick me when I’m down, my dog died."
Stu: "What, not one reaction? All of your faces stayed the same? Anyone would think you were made from plastic you heartless mob.
So my faithful pet of 12 years was gone, and I felt pretty low. My friend came over to visit me. He looked out of my window and saw my dad, sister and two of my brothers driving cars and dirt bikes really fast down some country lanes. I explained “My family are rallying around me. Some of my Lego friends are offering their support. I said “I haven’t laughed ‘since my dog died”. He said “Why did you laugh when your dog died?”
Stu: "But enough of my troubles. I mean, it could be worse right?
Luckily for me, someone else is already Chris Melby so things can never get that bad.
I sometimes think it’s a shame that Chris and Deus don’t get married, because now four people might eventually be miserable instead of just those two.
To be fair to those two guys they only really have two problems – everything they say and everything they do."
Stu: "Enough troll feeding and free publicity, I advised last year to not argue with idiots so I’ll take my own advice and let’s get onto one of my favourite subjects. TFOLs.
After last year some people suggested I have it in for TFOLs. That I enjoy being cruel to them. Not true my friends, not true at all.
I think they should be destroyed humanely.
But of course TFOLs are an integral part of the Lego community as I’ve said many times before. And like the rest of the Lego community, I know they can be counted on to do the right thing.
Once they’ve exhausted all the other options.
Of course, TFOLs are only teenagers, so we shouldn’t judge them too harshly. Here’s a TFOL joke-
How many teenagers with ADD does it take to screw in a lightb – LET’S PLAY HALO!!!!! LOL! OMG!!!
How do you stop teenagers hanging around outside your house? Cut them down from the tree and bury them in the back yard."
Stu: "So the Olympics are on right now in my home country. C’mon team GB! This stirring and inspirational event where every four years we gather from around the world to celebrate that China and the USA have larger populations and more funding than everybody else.
Still, as a tiny archipelago off the coast of Europe, it’s heart-warming for me to see team GB punching above their weight in the medals table, but the real reason I love the Olympics is because you hear brilliant names. The Americans for instance have a great tradition of naming children after virtues they hope the child will embody such as Faith, Hope or Joy. Some West African countries pick brilliant names that express what the child means to the parent – Blessing and Treasure are amazing examples.
Of course, I’m English so my kids can be glad I don’t follow the same idea:
“This is my son ‘Scorer of the winner Vs Germany’ and of course my lovely daughter ‘Not pregnant at 15'."
Stu: "Some quick ones to finish on:
What do you call a dinosaur who can’t sit down? A Mega-sore-ass.
What has twelve legs, one eye and stinks of fish? Three blind mice and half a haddock.
Two cacti are growing in the desert. One turns to the other and says “Phew, bit hot isn’t it? The other says “BLOODY HELL IT’S A TALKING CACTUS!!!!!”
Stu: "Thank you for your time. You’ve been the audience whether you liked it or not, I’ve been Stuart Delahay. RIP Poppy. Go VLUG! Lets get on with the show!"
Chris: “And now that that's mercifully over, we can get back to our awards ceremony. Our next category is for the MOC that just doesn’t quite fit in the other categories.
The nominees for best Miscellaneous MOC are: Nightmare by The Legohaulic,
M.O. Round 5: George G. vs Thoy Bradley by George G.,
The Power of Freedom: Iraq by Mike Doyle,
Flying Dutchman by Sebeus I,
The Lego Chinese White Dolphin by Schfio Factory,
and Concert stage by Steinberg.
And the MOCie goes to… Flying Dutchman by Sebeus I!
(Written by Sebeus)
Sebeus I: “Arrrr! I thank ye for the votes swabbies, with great honor
(and courage) I stand here on this rickety scaffolding.
Complications arose, ensued, were overcome, now that I stand here I
feel bold enough to ask; Where is that scallywag that listed me in the
wrong category, I’ll keelhaul you...on every ship I've got!
Thank you for listening”
Chris: “Wait, what? Never mind… The next category is for the best micro/macro creation. The nominees are: WarScape by Blake Baer,
Halo Reach M45 Tactical Shotgun by Nick Jensen,
Terminator T-800 (Moodland
Scale) by MDSWIM !,
Rio de Janeiro by Brody Allen,
and Micro Batman Tumbler by George G.
And the award goes to WarScape by Blake Baer!”
(NOT written by Blake)
Blake Baer: "I would say thank you but I KNEW I had this one in the bag. I mean look at me... I'm Blake Baer! That is all. This trophy is going to get pawned off for more brick directly after the show. That's about all it's worth anyway is scrap."
Chris: "What a magnanimous individual. Moving on to the personal awards for builders. These individuals were nominated not for their individual mocs, but for the person they are... or pretend to be on the internet, whichever is more accurate. Our first category is for Most improved builder.
And the nominees are: LukeClarenceVan The Revanchist,
and R.K. Blast.
And the most improved builder for 2012 is... LukeClarenceVan The Revanchist!
(Written by Luke)
LukeClarenceVan The Revanchist: "Thanks Mr. Phipson, I'll just take the podium for a minute... Firstly, thanks everyone! Being nominated was a tremendous honour, and to win is a dream come true. Naturally, this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for my family financing my LEGO addiction and being so supportive. Then, when I really became active on MOCpages during last year's MocOlympics I learned so much about building techniques and photography from everyone here on MOCpages, and now I'm up here winning this incredible honour. All said, I'm overjoyed to win this, and I owe you all a drink... Have fun collecting."
Chris: "Congratulations Luke. Next up is the MOCcer of the year awards in each age category. First up is YFOL of the year. This is for builders ages 12 and under.
The nominees are: August,
Raviel Ze MOCist!,
and Cyborg .
And the YFOL of the year is August!
(Not written by August)
August: "Well, this would be a great honor under any other circumstances but Chris couldn't even pony up the cash to get my proper sigfig so I'll just say to the rest of you... thanks!
Chris: "Thanks August! Good thing I wasn't listening or that might have been slightly insulting. Now then, moving on to the TFOL of the year. This is for builders age 13 to 17.
Your nominees are: George G.,
And the MOCie for TFOL of the year goes to... Blake Baer!
(Not written by Blake)
Blake: "Great... just what I need... another piece of junk collecting dust on my mantle. Couldn't you just give cash awards or something?"
Chris: "And now we come to the coveted AFOL of the year award! Well... it WAS coveted until people like Kelso and me won it. Hopefully someone can bring some dignity back to this award that's been on a steady downhill for two years now. Anyway...
your nominees are: A P,
El Barto !,
and Garry King.
And your AFOL of the year is... Mr. Xenomurphy! So no... looks like we'll have to wait another year. Oh well, come on up Xeno!
(Written by Xeno)
Mr. Xenomurphy: "*harrumph* Thank … thank you for being here with me this
evening. My name is Orville Xenomurphy and I’m an alcoh…
Phipson: "**Whisper whisper whisper**"
Xenomurphy: "Right … right. An award … how awkward. Well, that’s great
news. I’d like to thank about 7 billion people, that should cover
everybody I’ve ever met or is involved into this Schlockpages thing …"
Xenomurphy: Right. This is a great day for me and I’m honored to be
voted best Megablocks …mocs-builder... Um, Playmobil? Barbie? Never mind, I'll just go sit down now before I get something thrown at me."
Chris: "And it's time for the final award of the evening and it is for the MOC of the Year!
Your nominees are: BATTLESTAR BERZERK by Garry King,
Superman & Young Justice vs. Brainiac by Mr. Xenomurphy,
Spider-Man vs. Green Goblin by Mr. Xenomurphy,
The Grey Havens by Infomaniac,
Smolny Cathedral by Heath 'kik36' Flor,
and Seterra by Thomas Haas.
And the MOC of the Year is... Superman & Young Justice vs. Brainiac by Mr. Xenomurphy!
(Not written by Xeno)
Chris: "Here Xeno, catch!"
Xeno: *THUNK* "Argh! My eye! Awwwwrgggh!"
Chris: "Well that does it for another year. Thank you all those who voted and a special thanks to those that were in attendence to accept their awards."
Xeno: "No seriously, this hurts! I'm bleeding!"
Chris: "It's been a great year and hopefully we won't have to do this show from a McDonald's parking lot next time! One can only hope... Have a great year everyone and keep on bricking!"
Xeno: "Someone! Anyone! For heaven's sake call an ambulance!"
Heath: "Well, now that that's over... you do realize of course that we're going to have to beat the snot out of Chris on the way to his car right?"
Kelso: "Yes... *sigh* yes I do.
Kelso: "Well, let's do this thing..."
Fourth Wall Commentary: Since it was such a long show I'll be brief
here. Thanks to everyone who submitted nominees and voted for this
year's winners! This show couldn't take place without each and every
one of you! I must admit though that this MAY be the last year for the
MOCie Awards. 5 years is a pretty good run for any sort of annual
event around here and we're just not getting the same turnout as in
past years. That being said, don't be sad. I didn't say it WAS the
last one, just that I have to really think about it. And... if it IS
the last, then we've got something in the works for an annual summer
(northern hemisphere) event that'll fill the gap (insert own joke
about me filling a gap here).
Alrighty all, the next MOCpages wide event will be the 2012
MocOlympics! I'll be getting the group together and looking for able
bodied judges over the next couple of weeks. See you all there for the
Till next time true believers!