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Shannonia expanded - part 4 . I visited Shannonia and all I got was -- hey, wait, where's my lousy T-shirt? What a ripoff. . And finally, mercifully, we're at the last one. Now maybe I can get on with my life, such as it is. Only a few more buildings to go, so we can keep this short and sweet. Nobody likes long goodbyes. The new corporate headquarters of The Skunk Works, and the new tallest building in town. Why a one-man operation needs such a big building is an enduring mystery. (Can anyone say "overcompensation"?) Rumor has it that several floors are packed with enormous wall-to-wall Lego collections. While that would be nice, itís not true. The Skunk Works Research and Development. Canít tell you what goes on in here, either -- a Level 5 security clearance is required. You donít have Level 5 security clearance. And you canít have it, no matter how much you beg. Short and sweet, who am I kidding? I'll just fill the page up with overview shots. When this hotel (briefly) sat where the Golden Silo Condos are now, it was called Tanager Tower. The Mayor didnít like its location and ordered it destroyed, but had it rebuilt when a better location was found. For reasons known only to himself, he also had it renamed Creamsicle Suites. Woundwort's Juice Bar -- rabbit food, liquefied! "Come back, you fools! Dogs aren't dangerous! Come back and fight!" I will tell you again, and probably not for the last time, to read Watership Down. The movie is an absolute travesty, don't waste your time. Read the book. I like these lower angle shots that kind of immerse you in the city, but they're hard to get. I take a lot of them, and only a few end up worth keeping. The Real Rock and Roll Museum. Did you know that Michael Jackson is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland? As is Grandmaster Flash, and the Bee Gees? And that Madonna is up for induction in 2008? Youíll find none of that nonsense here. This is a ROCK AND ROLL museum! I made a comment in one of my Space MOCs about how I didn't think Star Wars was cool enough to be worth the mental energy people expend on it. Since then I've been waiting for someone to call me on the fact that I've expended WAY too much mental energy writing for Shannonia, but no one has. I'm a little disappointed in all of you. My god, I love that river... it takes up space that could have been occupied by three more buildings. Three more buildings to write for -- the horror! The builders of bad Halo and boring Star Wars have joined forces and launched a spy satellite into geosynchronous orbit over Shannonia, looking for a weak spot they can exploit for the planned invasion. Imagine an armada of Republic Gunships (v. 17.0) carrying platoons of magic-markered spartans into battle! You don't know whether to laugh or cry. Getting back to the mental energy thing, I see two explanations for the lack of smack. Good smacktalk requires creative thinking, and when you build George Lucas's creations over and over rather than your own, your creative powers atrophy. The other possibility is that Shannonia is cooler than Star Wars, and everybody knows it. It's probably a little of both. Shannonia Station. If you can find it, Platform Three and Four-Ninths will get you to The Skunk Works School of Wit and Witticism. This is the engine house or roundhouse or whatever you call the building where locomotives live when theyíre not chugging down the tracks. The strip of dark blay grill tiles heading towards the lower right corner is supposed to be those tracks. But since I used grill tiles all over the city to represent any paved area that wasn't a road, it kind of loses its impact. The swanky Capricorn Club. Yes, I am this dumbest of all the zodiacal signs... I mean, a goatfish, what the hell is that? On the bright side, by the Chinese calendar, I'm a tiger, the second-coolest of all the signs, behind the dragon. I'm also 6 feet tall, 180 pounds, have a charming smile and am financially insecure. I enjoy reading, writing, listening to music, and playing with Legoģ. Seeking a sugar mama to pay off my Bricklink debt. Seriously, I had to quit Bricklink cold turkey. It's been five weeks since my last order -- I'm really quite proud of myself. It gets bad sometimes, the shakes and cold sweats... need... more... grill tiles... more... old gray... Let's change the subject, all right? Shannonia is home to a lot of oversized wildlife. The sea creatures are harmless. The giant killer parrots are not, but they're pretty easy to see coming and therefore avoid. The dreaded Cave Frogs are the real threat... stealthy bastards, they are. Spelunkers, beware. And there you have it -- Shannonia, in all its plastic, fantastic, bombastic, smartasstic glory. Where to from here? I'm done promising this is the last addition -- I've tried to quit two or three times now and each time Shannonia has plowed over me like Bo Jackson over Brian Bosworth. As frightening as it sounds, the city will probably sprawl even more... someday. "Like Shangri-la beneath the summer moon, I will return again..." as Robert Plant sings in Kashmir. But right now I'm tired. I want to thank you all very much for taking this long strange trip with me. If you had half as much fun visiting Shannonia as I had making it, then you didn't have nearly as much fun as I'd hoped. And remember: Shannonia -- the happiest place on Earth, ever since we had Mickey killed. Montezuma's Revenge has nothing on Shannonia's. Shannonia -- as cheap as a cubic zirconia. Unlike Singapore, we won't have you flogged for spitting on the sidewalk. Shannonia, where Elvis impersonators and street mimes are shot on sight. Oh, I've got a million of 'em, folks...


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