The Real Life Adventures of SigOcean Figgy -- At BrickCon08! . Double the Shannons means twice the Shan-anigans! .
Thursday, October 2nd was the day I was taking all my stuff up to BrickCon. I just had to wait around for the mail to show up to see if Mini-Ocean was going to make it in time. And there he was, right on schedule.
He didn't look so good when I dumped him out of the envelope, though. He just lay there, moaning.
"You all right?"
"Ooooh, my head... the last thing I remember is dancing on top of the bar at a strip club in Vegas."
"Sounds like Keith really showed you a good time."
"Who? Oh, him... are you kidding? I had to ditch that old man, he was cramping my style. I'd have never met those Playboy Bunnies with him hanging around."
We had a Lego convention to get to, so I looked around for something to get his mind off his hangover. The junk mail he came with was right there...
"Oh wouldn't you know, it's at the same time as BrickCon! Too bad we're already registered for that."
"Yeah, too bad..."
The slutty Halloween costume section in the Party City catalog perked him right up.
(*dialogue censored due to excessive perversion of an extremely graphic and offensive nature*)
After I tore them away from that and reminded them about BrickCon, Little Ocean was raring to go.
"All right, let's get a move on! I'll help pack!"
"Thanks, but we're already packed. We've just been waiting for you to show. And we don't really need that crate you're wheeling around."
"Thanks for telling me after I lugged it all the way out here!"
And we're off! Next stop BrickCon!
"Big Shannon, Little Shannon's making faces at me!"
"Nuh-uh, Big Shannon, Other Little Shannon started it!"
You two better knock it off or I'm taking you to that Bible seminar and leaving you there! And where are your seatbelts?
One of the things we were most looking forward to was meeting the great Nannan Z. He wasn't hard to find, you just had to follow the horde of Cyclopean Virtues.
"I don't know about you Youngy, but these things are freaking me out. Too much like giant spiders."
"The way to overcome your fears is to face them head on. Nannan needs help building a hundred of these. We'll make a few, then go wandering. How you doing, Ocean?"
"Goddam mother#*%&ing rubber band, won't %$!@ing loop the way I &^#@ing want it!"
"Ten-HUT! Who shall we invade, General Ocean?"
"With this force? Anyone we damn well please, General Young."
"Canada it is! All right, forward... MARCH!"
"What is it with you and rabbits?"
"Read Watership Down and maybe you'll understand."
"Top of the world, Ma!"
"Wow, so original... didn't we agree that the first one to shout that would get pushed off?"
"Hey, how are you doing that?"
"Walking on the water like that."
"It's Shannonia. Anyone named Shannon can do it. Give it a try."
"Um, it doesn't appear to be working."
"Strange... Maybe you have to be named Shannon YOUNG. Never had another Shannon visit, so I guess I just assumed... Well, now we know."
"I hate you."
"Hey Youngy, they say walking through here is like getting a peek inside Nannan's mind! Let's go!"
"I don't think you want to do that, Smeagol..."
"Ooooh, I'm real scared!"
"Oh god! It's just too horrible! Make it stop, make it stop!"
"I told you, man. Luckily I've read a lot of Lovecraft so I'm fairly immune."
"I'd like to be... under the sea... in an octopus's garden... in the shade... take it, Youngy!"
"You just sang the only part I remember."
"This hoverscooter design looks strangely familiar..."
"Yeah, but where's the random unrelated commentary? Without that, it's nothing."
"So in this new Battlestar Galactica, Cylons look like humans? I don't know... to me, a Cylon will always be a big, shiny, cheesy-looking robot. You know what I'm saying, Youngy?"
"I hate remakes. I just watched the original series from the beginning and was deeply in lust with a young Jane Seymour... then they killed her off. Bastards. She was the best part of the show."
"I dare you to take the 3vil thing out for a joyride..."
"And in the new one, they made Starbuck a woman."
"WHAT?! Is nothing sacred?"
"It was him."
"Oooh, I just read about this machine in National Geographic. Bombarding negatrons with charged positrons reverses the tachyon flow, thus slowing time and allowing an obsolete style like Classic Space to remain in vogue forever! May I suggest taking down the meson flux a notch, my good man?"
"Um... this is a sewage treatment plant, sir."
"Heh heh... nice one, Smeagol."
"Hey, how come you get the cool throne?"
"I'm the Mayor of Shannonia."
"So? This isn't Shannonia."
"I'm also the High Bishop of Coleoidea."
"This isn't Basementonia, either."
"Well, how many titles do you have? That's what I thought! Silence, lackey! I get the throne!"
It's MOCpages' favorite Lego Girl! Heather evidently cares nothing for impressive titles, because she just couldn't wait to get her hands on SigOcean Figgy, completely ignoring poor Mini-Young. Must be the Australian accent, it drives all the Lego Girls wild.
"Oh, SigOcean Figgy, I don't know if it's your bald bumpy head, those cool shades, or that sleeveless Batman T, but I just can't resist your overpowering animal magnetism. Take me, right here, right now!"
"Uh, okay... would you mind putting down that rifle though, it kinda makes me nervous."
"This giant baby is giving me the creeps! Let me out, man!"
"No! You stay in there til naptime's over! Bad Ocean Figgy! Bad boy!"
"I thought Lego conventions were sausage fests... this seems like a pretty good ratio right here."
"Somehow I don't think we'd have too much luck with these girls."
"Mmmmm... roadside pizza..."
"I don't know... something doesn't seem right about this."
"What do you think -- should we try our luck?"
"Uh, let's wait. I don't like the looks of that dealer."
"Hey, no fair, they didn't have machine guns back then!"
"Records from that era are spotty at best."
"This BrickCon thing's been fun, Youngy, but it's a pirate's life for me! I'm off to see exotic lands and plunder fabulous riches!"
"I'd better sign up too, to keep you out of trouble."
"Trouble? What could possibly happen?"
"I told you not to mess around with the captain's wife."
"Aye, but she be a lusty, busty wench. How's a salty old seadog like meself to refuse?"
"And you can stop talking like a pirate now. You've been kicked off the ship."
"And may the best Shannon win!"
"So you admit defeat already? Wise move, Smeagol."
"Oh, I am so tired of your mouth -- YOU'RE GOING DOWN, BITCH!"
"Now you're serious, that every first-time BrickCon attendee has to do a train dodge as a rite of passage?"
"For the last time, YES. And I'd keep my attention on that oncoming locomotive if I was you."
"OOOOH! That's gotta hurt!"
"The operative word in train dodge is 'dodge,' Smeagol."
"I hate you."
"Psst, Youngy. That chick on the diving board is totally checking me out."
"She probably can't look away from that enormous tattoo of a nude Debbie Gibson on your back. It's like a gruesome car wreck."
"Watch what you say about my Deb. Them's fightin words!"
"Wow, man... look at the pattern... the colors..."
"Would you come on? You've been staring into that thing for twenty minutes!"
"Woohoo! We're running across the field during a baseball game! This is the proudest moment of my life!"
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this!"
"This is all your fault, Ocean!"
"Hey, they were going to let us off with a warning until you started screaming 'SOO-EEEEEEEE, PIGGY PIGGY PIGGY!"
"Well, I think we lost the cops... but it looks like we ended up in a bad part of town."
"What are you talking about? I wish Melbourne was half this nice."
"This bears all the signs of a major zombie outbreak. We better be careful."
"Bring em on! In Australia we wrestle 10-meter crocodiles before we can walk! Zombies don't scare me."
"Whatever. If anything happens we'd be safest up on the roof there. Those guys look prepared."
"God, you pussy... I don't think I want to be seen around town with you."
"They have a cooler full of beer up there."
"Lead the way, friend!"
"Now this is how you ride out a zombie outbreak!"
"Toss me another beer, mate!"
"Rogers, did you drink the last beer?"
"Hey Sarge, I think I see some zombies coming this way!"
"Don't change the subject."
"Hear that, Youngy? Zombies coming! Let's get em!"
"Oh, all right... We better get out of here anyway, before Sarge finds out it was you who drank all his beer."
"First off, we'll need weapons. We better get in line..."
"What? You built this store, just cut the line! Call executive privilege or something!"
"No no, we must respect the line. Without the line, there's chaos. Just because Australia was settled by criminals, there's no excuse to bring that kind of anarchy here."
"Unbelievable... and here I never thought I'd miss Kelso's place!"
"You guys are lucky we still have anything. All we've got left is a ping-pong paddle, two AR-15's, and a butterfly net."
"We'll take it all."
"Oh yeah! You got it, right Youngy? I'll pay you back later, I swear... Now let's find some ACTION!"
"Aaaaah! Wait, how'd I end up with the ping-pong paddle and butterfly net? This isn't right! Ocean, gimme a gun! OCEAN!"
"Yeah, come and get it, you zombie cunts! Haha! Oh, you want some too, do you? Take that! And that!"
Mini-Young is heartened by the appearance of the Zucker twins.
"Hey there Shannon! Looks like you guys could use some help!"
"Zelda! Hell yes, I sure could, but Zombiephile Dundee over there seems to be doing all right."
"Here, take my chainsaw. Or do you only use that on Jehovah's Witnesses and such?"
"Beggars can't be choosers! Gimme gimme gimme!"
"Oooh, a chainsaw! I want, I want! Trade ya, Youngy!"
"Oh, so now you're willing to give me a gun..."
"Thanks guys, you two showed up in the nick of time."
"Man, you are such a whiner! I had it completely under control."
"See ya around, Shannons! We gotta go find more zombies. I know this is all fun and games for you, but it's our job!"
"Where to now?"
"We might as well check out the mecha."
"Lead the way..."
"No, after you..."
"This sucks, they're never gonna let us out of here. Why did you take us into the quarantine compound?"
"Me? I was following you!"